I had an epiphany this morning after a yoga session and subsequent taking inventory of my thoughts. Isn’t it amazing how open our minds become after stretching our bodies? As if we could stretch our ability to think past the boxes we’ve created for our brains, our motor neurons tied to the flexibility of our limbs. I love being reminded of this every time I return to the mat.
I digress. The epiphany. As I shared in my previous post, my search for balance is permeating this season of life. I am struggling to be present in my multiple life roles. Internalizing this shortcoming as my fault, I feel guilt no matter which role I am trying to live out. It’s all quite exhausting. Today though, a thought hit me like a bag of bricks.
You only require balance if you are doing more than one thing at a time.
Presence asks that one is focused on the here-and-now. Put another way, presence requires doing one thing at a time. And balance moderates multiple things. Therefore, presence and balance TRULY cannot coexist. The feeling of balance is a disguised solution to the crux of the issue at hand: I am not being present. In the face of this awareness, I continue resisting being present by trying to find a balance.
I guess I always defined balance as an artist would; As in a composition, distributing attention equally so that no part of the piece overpowers. But true presence is giving your all in the now. And if one part of the now becomes overpowering, perhaps the most present thing to do is to allow it to saturate life. Why do we try to subdue ourselves to a beige existence? Yeah, balance looks good from the outside. But our lives are not paintings hung on a museum wall for others to admire. Our lives are for US to admire. And it’s messy and sometimes ugly. It’s emotional and there are parts I’m not proud of. But to constantly edit? T’would be a shameful act.
The truth is, we exist in multitudes. And I do want balance. It makes me feel more at peace. But instead of thinking of it as a balanced work of art, we can view ourselves as a balanced collection of artwork. Our multitudes can coexist, but separately, vibrantly. An artist paints collection pieces at different times. Therefore the current piece must pervade the season.
I am struggling with balance because I am a mother to two young children and an entrepreneur building a new practice. Feeling like I need to nourish both RIGHT NOW is eating me up. My mind is not really here. Balance is taught as a commendable trait. To move through life with ease and fulfill the many roles society expects of you – that is what it means to be successful. Or so they say.
I am starting to believe balance is nothing but a fairytale. Embracing the imbalance and finding joy might be the best move for us all.
Will you move towards imbalance? How would it feel to let go?
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
