I was lying in bed on a Sunday night, exhausted from a grueling week of spending every spare moment readying the house into a home. My heart won’t seem to slow down, my mind won’t seem to shut up. We’ve moved every big piece of furniture and a majority of our few belongings that morning with the help of a brother and a close friend, yet there’s still a million things to think of. My brain couldn’t help but tick through the to-do list on repeat, as I try to clear my mind and get some shut eye. Then, it started to turn onto a bleak subject.
I turned to Mr. Debtist and asked, “What have we done?”
As the city street lamps glared into our upstairs window, and I heard the shuffling downstairs from an equally unsettled roommate, I started to miss the curtained windows at our previous place. I looked outside to the main street below, and I started to miss the buildings that I frequently stared at. I sat up in bed and set my feet down on the cold cement floors, and missed the tufts of carpet.
I’ve moved ten times before turning thirteen, and I’ve moved a total of sixteen times in my life. Each time, I go through this phase of longing for what once was. The first night is always the most difficult, and I knew that. However, this was different. As if settling into a new environment wasn’t emotionally draining enough, there is the added mental weight of knowing just how much we’ve put into this new home. Invested wouldn’t be the correct word. Gambled might be a better term. On the first night, I feel like the most appropriate way to describe the feeling is a feeling that you just lost it all.
Here’s something every new home-owner experiences. Buyer’s remorse. And it was coming over me like grey skies, gathering for a downpour. If it wasn’t for Mr. Debtist reaching out a hand and telling me “It’ll be okay”, who knows what kind of tumultuous storm might have been unleashed that night.
- Property Ownership: How much is it worth?
- Property Ownership: Taking Renovations Nice and Slow
- Property Ownership: 5 Things to Avoid During Mortgage Application (Travel Hacking Included!)
- Property Ownership: It’s Not About Finding Your Dream HomeProperty Ownership: It’s Not About Finding Your Dream Home
When a deal closes on the home, the seller tends to feel like their house was taken away from them at a bargain rate, and the buyer may feel like they were jipped of their money’s worth. It is normal for both sides to feel this way. However, whereas seller’s remorse will likely dissipate in the upcoming month, buyer’s remorse will have the audacity to do its best to linger. Buyer’s remorse is way more complicated, since it is being compounded by other anxieties, most of which have nothing to do with the actual home. Anxieties that involve job stability and its correlation with the ability to pay a mortgage. Anxieties about someone’s health failing, and the complications of trying to balance a home loan with medical bills. Anxieties about the market crashing, or a natural disaster striking. Anxieties about the world collapsing.
While everyone may suffer from a momentary panic attack about their most recent home purchase, it will be unfortunate to have these same worries follow you forever. In the mildest of cases, the remorse is nothing a few aspirin tablets can’t handle. Or in my case, a good night’s sleep. But for others, the thought is so ravaging that they try to break the contract.
Amidst all of this, we center on one single fact: you’re buyer’s remorse at its core is nothing but raw, naked fear. This fear comes from your perception of the value of the home. How do you know if this is you? The symptoms are pretty common, and very easy to spot. Are you doing any of the following?
- Reading real estate listings more intently than you did before signing the contract. You spend your days searching for similar or nicer homes with lower asking prices.
- Continue to tour open homes. Don’t be surprised if you see remorseful sellers at these same open homes.
- Endlessly discuss your purchase with your friends, neighbors, business associates, and any being with two ears. You want to probe other people for their opinions on your home-buying actions. You will likely take anyone who confirms your suspicions as telling you the truth, when in reality, they likely have no idea about anything regarding the current market.
Physically and emotionally drained yet? Because you will be, if you keep this up. It’s enough to make any human go bonkers. Hopefully, you discover soon enough that your fears are groundless. Here’s the real truth.
Facts defeat fear.
The faster you get to the facts, the less you’ll suffer. Overcoming buyer’s remorse relies heavily on your trust in the decisions you’ve made when purchasing your home.
As explained here, a home can have more than one correct price. Pricing and negotiating are arts, not sciences. Never mind the asking price. As long as the purchase price is in line with the sale prices of comparable homes, you’re in the clear! Read up on how to know a home’s market value.
To learn more about home buying, use the book we used.
When I woke up Monday morning, I turned to my side of the bed and stared outside the windows to a crazy skyline, and clear skies, thinking to myself how much I love our new home.