I spent much of the end of 2022 hibernating. It was an intentional choice to focus on family and self during the busiest season of the year. One that paid off! Instead of feeling haggard, my eyes are well-rested and my heart feels grounded. It wasn’t easy. I said no to many occasions in order to reserve my energy. But this is kind of how it’ll go moving forward, as we are expecting changes in 2023.
In April, we have a stork scheduled to deliver us a babe. Hopefully one that’s healthy and happy, pretty and petite (for my sake!). But whatever ends up arriving at our doorstep will be well-loved by us. In lieu of New Year Goals, I instead pondered, wrestled with, and tweaked my expectations. I know it’ll be a practice, just like everything else.
As with most mothers, I suspect the focus will shift away from the “me” to the “we”. In an effort to mentally prepare, I have been repeating to myself the following mantra: “Que sera, sera”. Not entirely ready to give up goals just yet, I have made them open-ended instead. In fielding other people’s inquiries about when I will return to work and what I plan to do with raising a wee one, I’ve responded with “We’ll see”. I have hopes to breast-feed and cloth-diaper, but am open to the possibility that either or neither may work out. Down goes all my walls of structure. Up goes my fastidiousness. Cling loosely to all expectations. We have yet to choose the name.
I guess the biggest change of all (if not my pants size and my body weight), is the fact that I must let go of who I once thought I was. The defining parts of myself that exist because of my accomplishments, my career, my past … Instead I myself am reborn into the most base part of me. When the world stops spinning, you are only left with yourself. And that’s kind of what happens when a baby is born, isn’t it? The world just stops.
2023 will change our lives, that much we know. I’m just grateful to have good people around me for support.
