Summer is relentless for mothers. I feel it, and I’m not even alone in motherhood. I have the help of a nanny and four amazing grandparents. My sister and brother have been in town two weeks in a row. I work part-time, 20 hours a week. And still, I feel the waves. I see fellow moms juggling jobs, summer break, daycare, summer activities, camps, and multiple children. And I think, Oh gosh, someone help them. Someone help me, too, but I don’t have the worst of it. Motherhood is hard, and there are some days where I feel the breaking point, yet push through somehow.
This summer has been a whirlwind of very high highs and low lows. I’ve watched Casey blossom into the most beautiful, energetic, and happy boy. He runs on the grass and plays in the sand. The sun colors his skin and his smile is so bright. But I’ve also watched him suffer way too many accidents and falls. He has slammed his face into cement once or twice, chipped a tooth that I am afraid will need to be extracted, fallen down the stairs and hit the banister, and had multiple knots on his forehead. I’ve felt helpless in trying to protect my toddler, and thrown money at solutions that haven’t 100% worked.
Physically, my body is exhausted – beat up from chasing, catching, and carrying while trying to grow a second. Emotionally, I am at my furthest limits. I can’t handle another stressful situation. And mentally, I am a puddle. There is no more gas in reserve but the body goes further than the mind so somehow I keep moving. Some days I feel like screaming but I know if I do, I will never stop. Other days, I think about checking myself in a mental asylum but I’m scared once I do, I will never want to leave. Imagine the safety of a mental asylum? The peace and quiet is all too enticing. Mothers around the world are probably silently nodding their head in agreement.
At times like these, I go back to previous writings before motherhood. I remind myself that simple matters. Focusing on the things that bring me joy like a rainbow on the tile floor or Casey’s fleeting grins remind me that there is beauty in all this. Like I said, the highest of highs are present in the summer time too. The waves can come too fast, unrelenting when they crash, but like all waves they pass. And as surfers say, when you are at the peak point of a wave and you can see a birds-eye-view of the beach in front of you and it’s like being in heaven.
Hang on mamas. I see you. I feel you. Summer is coming to an end and not long after, we will be sitting in our peace and quiet, looking around at our silent home missing the chaos and hanging onto our memories.
