It’s been a very long time since I wrote about my Mondaze. I originally titled the series Case of the Mondaze because of my son’s nickname “Case”. Now that I have two, I’ve swapped Mondaze with a word that embraces my daughter’s nickname “Zades”. I’ve long loved Mondays as being my off-days. I have decided I will continue the trend of setting up my work life to have Mondays off. During their young years, I will dedicate Mondays to my kids. It’s our “family time”. Mostly, it’s a humbling sort of experience – trying to get through a Monday with two young children. Today in particular was a harrowing one. Casey woke up crying because he slept in and didn’t get to say Bye to his dad. I can tell right away that his cup is empty today. On days like that, the crying comes fast.

At breakfast, he refused to eat cereal with a spoon. In his hands went, digging at the milk as if it’s something tangible. Of course, it’s not. So I swapped the cereal for banana bread, which I was able to bake this morning before they woke up. Actually, my morning was stellar since I got a workout in, cleaned the floors and got myself dressed. Which goes to show that no matter how prepared you make yourself for the day, you just never know. Anyway, the banana bread ended up being a mutilated piece of dough as my son tried to select the chocolate chips out of it. His face looked like he ate mud. I eventually succumbed to giving him a popsicle. It was at least made of greek yogurt, fruit and honey.

After lunch, I washed his grubby hands and face. And then went back to the dining table to clean up the milk, mud, and ice cream. He pretended to fall on the floor and proceeded to cry, telling me he wants me to play with him instead. I explained as calmly as I could that I would, once I cleaned up the mess, to which he thrashed himself around and cried some more. Eventually, an invitation to help me clean up got him past his woes. I could tell he just needed some love and attention.

So we read books with his little sister until she got quite upset. It was her naptime but as I went to set her down, I realized quite quickly it was going to be a losing battle – for me. She was not interested in being held or going to sleep. I gave up after five minutes since I already knew, and I had no more will in me to fight battles for the rest of the day. Besides, swim class was in an hour. The nap was going to be short anyway.

I plopped both kids in the car and drove to the bank where I went to withdraw cash for the swim class. We arrived early so that Case could muck around the splash pad. During swim class, Case did not want to be on his back. GREAT. The instructor told him it wasn’t really a choice, as he fought her and said “No thank youuuuuuu” at the top of his lungs. I guess that was fun somehow because when she brought him over to me and he said “Bye” he started to cry because swim was over. Yikes.

Home we go. I asked if he wanted pesto orzo or yaki soba noodles. He said “green rice” so I made the orzo for him and noodles for Zades. To which he immediately screamed saying he wanted Zades’ noodles. She didn’t complain about the orzo, thankfully. He also ate my prawns which were spicy, just to prove a point I guess. Afterwards, I thought it would be a good idea to decompress by reading books. Turns out, he didn’t want Zades to even LOOK at the same book as him, let alone sit next to us. So he got mad and pushed her away, and my Scorpio daughter defended herself by screaming at his face which led to him crying because the screaming was overwhelming.

Eventually I got them down for their naps, and as I was cleaning up the toys downstairs, I realized that based on how today was going, this is my only chance to rest. I snuck a thirty minute nap in before my husband came home early to WFH (because he was sick) and Zades decided to wake up from her nap (because she was over-tired). I praise my foresight on the nap. Basically, I feel like a genius and ended this half day on a WIN.

How about you?

Photo by Kier in Sight Archives on Unsplash

Every now and again, I am reminded to listen to my body. The body is a compass for alignment. When things are misaligned, my body shuts down. Gives up. Sends warning signs. Stops me, quite literally. Growing up, I powered through my body’s resistance. I was taught that the mind was stronger than the body. My parents forced me to go to school even when I was sick. I could never miss a day. “You can do anything you put your mind to.”

And they’re right. The mind can overcome many things. It can trick us into thinking we are doing well, on the right path, or whatever reality we wish to believe. But the mind doesn’t really know. The mind is fickle. It can convince us of either argument. It can play devil’s advocate. Whether that it is vying for is true is anyone’s tell. But the body KNOWS. And it behooves anyone to listen to it when it speaks. Remember, the mind is developed over one’s lifetime, but the body is evolved through all of time.

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Last week, we started Casey at Montessori. We were really looking forward to it. It was going to be the perfect part-time solution for taking care of our eldest while the grandparents focused on baby Sadie. But something did not feel right. Casey did fabulously on the visits to the school. He gravitated towards the activities on the shelfand wanted to play on the playground on the lake. He pointed at the ducks and boats, and was told the train goes by. We picked a classroom with a bird named Bluey who was allowed out of the cage. But on the days leading up to his last site visit, I had a very bad feeling that I couldn’t place. It was a deep sadness, which is normal for all moms, but also a feeling of unrest.

On the first day, I dropped him off. He rushed to the playground and didn’t even look back. I tried to say bye and he kept running away to look at all the things. After the third attempt, I was told it would be best to sneak away. I said a final goodbye which fell on deaf ears, and left for work. But as his mom, I knew, as would happen during story time at the library or at the playground, once the excitement died down, Casey would look up, scan the room and say “Mommy?” Except this time, for the first time ever, I wouldn’t be there. And as my brave little boy would, he held down his sadness until dad came to pick him up. When dad asked if he was ready to go home, he burst out crying.

On the second day, he clung to dad’s legs. But when the teacher asked him if he wanted to see the duckies, he ran to the fence by the lake and dad was ushered out. This was my day to pick him up from school. Even before I entered the door, I heard him scream crying. And when I opened the door I was surprised to see him standing right in front of it, as if he had been trying to escape. They kept saying “im sorry Casey” and offered no explanation except to say he didnt want to put on his shoes. In between sobs, he kept repeating “Home. Go Home.” When dad asked about the duckies later that evening, Casey once again broke down crying.

On the third day, I dropped him off and it was not good. A lot of clutching and screaming, crying and begging. It hurt my heart to leave him. But I had work and couldn’t stay . The teachers reassured me that when I leave, he would be fine. They recommended I didn’t stay long, but my mother instinct was to never leave a child feeling abandoned. My mom picked him up that day and she said that when she arrived, he was scream crying and it looked like it had been happening for a long time. His eyes were red with his nose running. Hyperventilating, he kept repeating, “Go Home, Bye Bye School, All Done, No more school.” We took him to the ferris wheel that day and out to dinner.

And on Friday night, I got sick. That may seem like a negligible fact, but the truth is, I never get sick. My family has a history of autoimmune diseases that hardly results in us getting sick. But if I have learned anything about myself in my first thirty years, it is that the body keeps score. And when something in my life is misaligned, I will always fall ill. Like an alarm, my sicknesses are signs that something is not right.

I was always sick before a test. I was sick a lot during dental school. I called out almost every month of my first year of work when my life wasn’t what I envisioned. It happened in the months before I found baking. And it happened when the world shut down; until I quit a job that I hated. Between that liberating moment and when I had kids, I built the life I wanted – an ideal life with an ideal schedule. I never took on anything I wasn’t 100% yes. And for a glorious 3 years, I never got sick. Not once.

I wouldn’t call it coincidence. I have learned to use my body my compass. My body guides me to do what is aligned. And getting sick is the telling sign that something must change. Ever since having Casey, trying times with parenthood has led to sickness. When he hit his head on Mother’s Day, when he had ITP and when our nanny left, I got sick. Some say this is a normal stress response. After all, isn’t stress a response to a lack of homeostasis?

Over the weekend, I tried to prep him that we would return to school on Tuesday. He kept repeating “No. No more school. Home. Upstairs. Finished. All Done.” I had taken the entire week off because my husband was out of town. I already felt like it wasn’t a good idea to leave him. But under the urgings of multiple people to continue giving it a try, I brought him to school, where once again, he cried until we were separated. I lingered outside for an hour after drop off, and even asked if I should pick him up before naptime after lunch. They said he was doing well and to try to get through lunch time. When I picked him up, he was the only one awake. Everyone else was napping. And the minute he saw me, he started crying to the point where we had to exit through another classroom in order not to wake the kids.

When I asked him if he wanted to go to school, he would cry.

When I asked him if he wanted to go to the playground, he would say no.

When I told him we will play in the sand, he said “Mommy stay!!”

Anytime I went to his sister’s room to put her to sleep, he melt down and throw his body onto the door.

Whereas before school, he had feelings of security around me, his insecurity from his hospitalizations resurfaced. All the hard work we put into rewiring the trauma from his ITP came undone.

The truth is, I know he will get over it. I know he will be fine. He is a strong boy, and the mind IS a powerful thing. He will get used to the feeling of being dropped off at school and know that at the end of the day, he will be picked up.

But there are other truths as well.

• I don’t believe in developing independence at this young of an age. The first 5 years are crucial to developing a foundation that they will subconsciously live by for the rest of their lives. And culturally, I was raised around community. Not only was my mom a stay at home mom, but we also had a nanny for each child and multiple aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents living with us. I attribute my ability to take risks, try new things, and have confidence while doing it to the fact that I know, no matter what, I will have my family to fall back on if I fail at life.
• I want him to know that his mom will not abandon him for something else, even if that something else is work. When I was pregnant with Casey, I shared with Mike that I don’t want to teach my kids that work is all there is. Or that it precedes the more important things in life. Upon reflection, everything about motherhood was once something that I wished for and could only dream about. Before Casey, I already had the job – and it wasn’t enough. Now that I’m a mom, I can’t waste the opportunity.
• He needs to know that he is listened to when he says he does not want to go to school. Even at this age, he is already trying to communicate with me. And if I ignore what he is saying, then why would he come to me with his problems as he ages?
• Autonomy is something I value. It is important that I value that in him, too. If he does not want to go to school, why should I force him? My needs and opinions shouldn’t supercede his if I truly value him equally to me. It’s not like I view school as the end-all-be-all. I just chose school because it was the cheaper, easier, part-time option that exposed him to other kids and school activities. Looking back on it, all the reasons are for me.
• And the final truth: I have needs of my own. And boundaries too. I want to keep working. I need time to myself – to refresh and realign. The child is not the king of the household. Never was. But neither am I.

So I had a talk with Casey this morning. He told me blankly he does not want to go to school. He wants to stay home. I told him honestly that if he stays home, he would have to help mommy and daddy around the house. And spend some time with the grandparents. I also told him that maybe in a year we can try again? This time, instead of doing three full days a week, we may start with three half days. “Okay,” was his response.

The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk is a great book that I recommend for those who enjoyed this post.

One of the best gifts Casey ever received was this mini foldable kitchen tower from Piccalio. I included it in his birthday wish list when he turned one. (I highly recommend wish lists if you want to minimize clutter and curate what your child receives for special occasions.) Full transparency: twelve months is waaay too early to have a kitchen tower. It wasn’t until he was 18 months old that I stopped being anxious about him falling from it. But now that he knows how to stand in it, it has been extremely fun having him around the kitchen. I think including toddlers in the kitchen is important for both family life and for the toddler himself. My husband and I love cooking. It’s a great way to be creative, have fun, and care for our bodies. Casey is developing many skills, is learning about health and homestead, all while spending time with us. I wanted to share how one could include a toddler in the kitchen.

But before we go into the how, let’s talk about why this is beneficial for the toddler AND the family.

Why the Kitchen is a Great Place for a Toddler

• They learn about overall helpfulness when preparing food with you.
• They take interest in a wide variety of ingredients, which could help with picky eating.
• They know where their food is coming from, understanding the bigger picture of what we eat.
• They develop the good habit of cooking for themselves at home. This is a skill that will save them tons of money, stress and time when they become an adult.
• They develop hand dexterity and hand-eye-coordination and get to practice it in repetitive motions.
• They practice focusing on a task at hand.
• They can start to follow basic step-by-step recipes with you. Their mind processes the importance of order.
• Organization skills is key. They learn how to compartmentalize different ingredients and how to combine them. Also, they learn where utensils and cookware go in the kitchen.
• They learn how to clean up and to put away things.

How Involving a Toddler Improves Family Life

• They can be nearby as you get kitchen tasks done.
• They feel like they are a part of the family and are therefore happy to participate in what we are doing as a couple.
• Mike and I enjoy cooking. So we can spend time with each other while also spending time with our toddler. We don’t have to divide and conquer.
• Kitchen prep no longer feels like a chore. It feels like a family activity.
• Since Casey has learned overall helpfulness, he has started to help around the house in other ways such as putting away dishes or wiping down surfaces.
• As they get older, they can become more helpful around the kitchen which will free up our time.
• There is less of a struggle with trying new foods. If they get to feel different textures and see different shapes, they are more open to trying new tastes. Dinner time becomes more peaceful (and fun!).
• They become interested in grocery shopping. Every time we get in the car, Casey calls out “GROCERIES!!” He loves to walk around the aisles and put things in the cart himself. This has made my grocery trips so much easier. He patiently sits in the cart, curiously looking to see what we will take home next.

How to Include Your Toddler in the Kitchen

• Get them dressed up with a Chef’s Apron and hat! Mike and I wear aprons when we cook. This gets your toddler excited to “role play”.
• Transfer dry goods into bins.
• Scoop dry ingredients into bowls during kitchen prep.
• Mix the ingredients together with a whisk.
• Measure out dry ingredients.
• Pour liquids from a pitcher.
• Count the number of an ingredient that is going into a dish. For example, I have him count the arugula leaves going into the bowl while I prep the salad dressing. Or the blueberries that are being served.
• Let them touch the produce and name the colors.
• Cut the softer items (such as bananas) using a Montessori wooden knife.
• Mash things like potatoes with a masher. That’s always fun.
• Put muffin liners in muffin tins.

When NOT to Include A Toddler in the Kitchen

• Stovetops or ovens are no-gos. I keep Casey stationed at the kitchen island far away from heat sources. He can watch me toss things into a pot and stir them. But we have very serious conversations about going near them.
• Operating machinery is also a no-go. I love using machinery to make food prep easier. And when you have a toddler standing on a kitchen tower, I highly recommend it to speed up the process. Their attention span only lasts so long. My favorite machinery to operate include the Beast blender and my beloved Kitchen Aid mixer. But there is no way I will let Casey operate them. He can place ingredients into the blender capsule or the Kitchen Aid bowl. But I take them away to a separate counter while he watches safely from the island. He has gotten accustomed to the Beast blender making all sorts of smoothies and sauces and looks forward to taste-testing them.
• Do not include them when cutting things with a sharp knife. I pre-cut everything. I know it requires a bit of fore-thought and prep, but I definitely don’t want him grabbing for a sharp object. These toddlers are FAST! It only takes a second of lapsed attention for them to get hurt so please don’t have these nearby.
• Please do not cook with your toddler while you are distracted. I keep phones, movies and social media off. I also make sure the baby is asleep or being watched by someone else.

Home-made food is my way of showing love. But as a newly made mum of two under two, finding the time is a challenge. That’s why I fell in love with this idea of make-ahead pancake mix. Store-bought alternatives have a long list of ingredients and cost a pretty penny. This one uses stock pantry items that I already had on hand, saving me money AND time. I have this on hand at all times. It is the perfect breakfast for wintry weekends. And my 21-month toddler absolutely loves it!

The Make-Ahead Pancake Mix is a bulk recipe. Feel free to multiply it by whatever factor works for your family and for how many times you wish to make pancakes. It only requires the addition of egg and milk the morning I plan to make them. If you’re keen on frivolities, add a handful of chocolate chips or blueberries! I love this recipe because it allows little hands to help in the kitchen while I sip on a warm mug of coffee in the early light. This recipe is also great for big gatherings. We are fans of breakfast and brunch, and this mix has made cooking so EASY! I make pancakes, throw slices of bacon in the oven and scramble some eggs. Serve with fruit, jam and decent butter. Now you’ve got a cafe in your very home!

Without further ado, here is my Make-Ahead Pancake Mix Recipe.

Make-Ahead Pancake Mix Recipe

Ingredients

• 8 cups of flour
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 8 tbsp baking powder
• 4 tsp baking soda
• 2 tsp salt

Preparation

Simply combine everything together in a container with a tight lid. I would recommend hand-mixing, as the brown sugar tends to coagulate in clumps. Sifting through a strainer could also be of use, but who has the time?

The morning you wish to make pancakes, combine 2 cups of mix, 2 eggs, and 1.5 cups of milk. This serves four people easily. When I fry up my pancakes, I use a griddle such as this one. A cast-iron also works wonders. I grease with butter and keep the stovetop on low. The perfect pancake size is 1/4 of a cup of batter. I use a cup measurer and pour it over the butter. When I see a decent amount of bubbles popping on the surface of my pancake, I flip it to cook the other side. You should see the pancake rise after the flip.

As I mentioned earlier, multiple or divide the ratios as needed! I store mine in an Oxo Tot container and place a sticky note on it that says:

• 2 cups mix
• 2 eggs
• 1.5 cups milk

Having this reminder really helps. If you wish to have mix on hand at all times, you can also add a sticky note on the container with the recipe itself so you can replenish when you have a minute. I know this all sounds basic, but it’s the little things in life.

Let me start with a caveat. Every baby is different just as every pregnancy is different. I am writing this as a second time mom. What I needed for Casey didn’t necessarily pan out for Sadie. And vice versa. Those considerations aside, these necessary newborn items are life-savers. Here is my collection of necessary big ticket baby items that I think belong in a baby registry. Of course, you can always scrounge your Buy Nothing Group to find them for free! That’s what we did.

• An easy to maneuver stroller compatible with a carseat mounted on a base. This way you don’t have to wake baby when moving them to and from the car. If I could have a do-over, I would choose a stroller that can upgrade to two toddler seats. We were not sure if we would have another so we chose the single stroller and it just isn’t enough.
• A crib that converts to a toddler bed. The 3-in-1 cribs will last years! We paired it with a breathable 2 stage crib mattress.
• A formula mixer, to supplement breastmilk or replace it when returning to work. This is so baby and lifestyle dependent. I knew both times I would return to work after three months. My job has me seeing clients so pumping logistically was a no-go. For my first baby, I had trouble breastfeeding so we supplemented with formula from day 2. For my second, we are at 100% pumped breastmilk, but will need to transition to formula on the third month.
• A bottle washer, sterilizer, and dryer. We didn’t have this with the first, but it saves us hours. Plus, washing Dr Browns bottle parts is a pain. This is my favorite item with baby #2. Especially since we are 100% bottle feeding.
• A great breast pump. With both kids, I had to pump milk. And some working moms will use this as well when they go back into the office. I love my Spectra breast pump. I recommend the blue cordless one. I had to pay extra after my insurance was applied, but the portability makes it worth it.
• A nursery glider. I thought this was a frivolous purchase but I quickly learned I was wrong. Breastfeeding in an uncomfortable chair is horrible for your back and spine. We got ours from Buy Nothing.
• A high chair doesn’t necessarily have to be a big-ticket item. I recommend one without fabric for easy clean up.

Most other things you can make do without. I am curious what everyone felt was non-negotiable in the newborn stage.

It has been exactly one month of being a mother to two. We have been so busy that time flew by. I suddenly realize that without intentionality, their entire childhoods will pass in a blur. Because of this, I want to focus on balance in the new year. Specifically, I want to balance my roles as mother, partner, dentist, writer, and a healthy individual. I want to be present in all these roles. I also want to divvy my time (especially between both kids) in a fair way. As if this wasn’t difficult enough, I hope for a semblance of individuality. My personal goals include staying fit and healthy, expanding my career while finding time for self-care and me-time. I believe the Roterunner Planner is the perfect tool for carving this intentionality in 2025. In this post, I highlight why the Roterunner Planner works for me.

The Roterunner planner helps identify my purpose, tie it to action and achieve my dream life.

I want to define my purpose via roles. In my planner, I identified my primary roles to include mother, partner, dentist, writer and healthy individual. The planner helped me establish my “WHY” for each role. It also helped me pin down goals for the next 6 months. I brainstormed weekly and daily actions in order to reach these goals. Breaking down goals into actions is a crucial step in execution and productivity. I reference my roles pages when I feel overwhelmed. It will help me focus on what’s important based on my values.

As a mother…

I want to be present for this fleeting period of time. I have only a few years before they spend a majority of their days at school, with friends, or doing activities. Establishing a connection with each of them in the early stages is a main goal. I want to create core memories in an environment that is both safe and exciting. Daily actions include having dinner every night, neighborhood walks, bedtime stories, and docking the phone at home. Weekly activities include cooking together, slow Sundays, and one-on-one time with each kid so they feel special. Once a month, I would like to volunteer at the farm and take them to Disneyland using our pass. I also personally plan to read one developmental or parenting book in order to increase my parenting IQ.

As a partner…

I want to keep the closeness I had with Mike prior to having kids. My partner is the one person in my life that I CHOSE. I didn’t choose the family I was born into or the kids I am given. But Mikey is my choice, and I think a great partner chooses the same person every day. Together, we make the backbone and foundation of our family. I want it to be a strong one. We can do this by discovering things together, have moments of laughter, and make memories, just us two. Our best moments are when we travel, when we are playful, and when we have new experiences. My biggest fault is when I keep tabs on how much each person has done. Instead of calculating equality, I think it is better to quantify fairness based on our strengths and personalities. Another mom told me that fairness does not mean necessarily mean equal. Daily actions include dedicating night time after the kids go to sleep to ourselves. Spending time outdoors is a great way for us to relax, so hikes and walks should be frequent. We do a weekly date night without the kids that entails trying a new establishment. And every month, we do check-ins that cover personal, financial, parental and spiritual goals. We plan to travel with the kids internationally once a year, but vacation just us two twice a year.

My role as a dentist is for others…

I like to help people. Plus expanding my skills feels rewarding, not just in dentistry but also in business management. I think having kids has made me into a more efficient and empathetic dentist. At the same time, my management skills are useful when running the household. It is also important for me to make money and to contribute to my family financially. Lastly, my job allows me to connect with others and have adult relationships outside my home. Daily actions include dedicating a few days a week to my job. And I have a goal of doing a Continuing Education course every month.

Writing is just for me…

Writing helps process information, organizes thoughts and feelings, and gives me an avenue for creativity. This is probably going to be the hardest thing to cling to. Of all the roles, this will be the lowest priority. But it helps me stay grounded and happy. So it is important. I have a daily goal of writing for 30 minutes every morning before the family wakes up. And I plan to use my Roterunner planner to write about next month’s goals and reflect on the previous month. The Roterunner planner is a great way to organize thoughts and keep me on track with my habit of writing.

Lastly, I plan to be a healthy individual…

I want to eat well and Roterunner’s weekly meal planner will help me visualize what I eat. I also want to sleep at least 8 hours a day, and the weekly sleep tracker will motivate me. Although it seems impossible, I want to get a workout in three times a week. At least one cardio and one HIIT workout a week sounds good. But the most vital part of the weekly planner is the section titled ‘NOT-TO-DO LIST’. Saying NO helps me with the mental load. I also like that there is a section for Acts of Kindness. Self-care reminders will be entered in this box.

Habits

If you’ve been following me a while, you know I am big on habits. These are the 5 habits I do every day to grow. I think the habit tracker on the weekly pages will be great to keep me inspired. For 2025, some habits on my mind include:

• Exercise 3 times a week
• Write for 30 minutes five days a week
• Make do without
• Eat meals as a family together
• Bedtime routines including bedtime stories and after-dinner walks instead of TV
• Weekly performance evaluation at work for me and my staff
• Weekly date nights and monthly check-ins with Mike
• Write a to-do list the night before
• Dedicate morning routines to myself
• Time blocks and limit multi-tasking

Self-Care

There is no intentional life without self-care. The Roterunner Planner has a self-care checklist at the back of the book. But on all the weekly pages, there’s a section for acts of kindness. I think it is important to be kind to ourselves. Letting go of my roles and responsibilities once in a while is crucial to balance. I need to be flexible. There is also a section for “TO BUY” which I plan to use as a reward system for myself. We work so hard every day, it is important to reward ourselves too. Carving grace into the every day is my mantra for 2025. Because being a working mother to two kids is hard. While I have high expectations for the Roterunner planner, I must also be realistic. It’s a tool for intentional living. But life has to be sustainable too. This is my reminder to all mamas out there that we do the best we can. And we are doing a great job.

I sincerely hope you all have a wonderful 2025. And if you need a planner, I would definitely try the Roterunner planner. You can get it on their website or on Amazon. It is good for 6 months, so you can pivot mid-year if it isn’t for you. But after reviewing many planners, I am positive that this is the best out there for my needs. I have both the soft-cover and the hard-cover B5 planner. I like the B5 more because it has more prompts and tools. I bought the planner in tan, but there are many color options to choose from. They also have notebooks that fit nicely in my purse for note-taking. And they have erasable colored pens that come with refills too. They’ve thought of it all!