The Quest for Mindfulness and Presence

I’ve always struggled with presence. What does it mean to be present? Is it a physical thing defined by time spent doing something? Is it a feeling? Is it determined by others or by you? Can you define yourself as present even if others disagree? They say it’s where your head is at. So can my mental energy be here but my physical energy be spent elsewhere?

My struggle with presence is the reason I keep writing. All this talk about decluttering, slow-living, intentionality, curation … it’s a reflection of my struggle to be HERE. As a parent to two very young kids while opening a start-up dental practice, I’ve been struggling with presence even more. Things that used to keep my mind laser-focused aren’t working. Podcasts, coffee, workouts, meditation, reading… I just can’t seem to catch up or do less. I feel imbalanced to say the very least. On my worst days, I am drowning.

I think back to my most present version of me. I would define the years before Casey’s birth to be the most present I have ever been (Circa 2021 to 2023). What was it that made me genuinely myself? I recognize that I had a LOT of time. Was that the key? My head can’t separate the physicality of time and space from the concept of being present. As in, it takes me effort to set up presence. There was a lot of set up before the presence part of it. I would clear my space from clutter. My space needed to be devoid of distractions and absolutely quiet. I would dress up for the part; take a shower, do my hair, look good, feel good, you know? I would make a coffee in order to clear my head. As James Clear would say, making coffee was the cue to slow it down. Then I would drink coffee to get laser-focused. My space needed to be devoid of distractions and absolutely quiet. Does it just take ME a little extra effort?

I used to journal to clear my head. And organized thoughts on the calendar. I needed a to-do list before doing anything. All of this was part of the set-up. And in doing so, I was intentional. Everything I did for work was aligned with my values. I curated life’s every detail. Obviously, it’s hard to do in the throes of early motherhood.

So how to be present? Can I cut back my time with the kids without regretting it one day? Must they learn that they need to share their mum with the world at this young age? How can I clear my thoughts from the never-ending I’ll-do-it-laters so that I could enjoy the gleeful giggles and the wobbly crawls? How to incorporate more peace in the afternoons and in my heart? The endless quest for balance continues.

I’ve come to embrace that it doesn’t appear in the day-to-day but rather in season to season. Yet my long-term view on getting in right still doesn’t account for how to achieve presence right now, or in every second. Shall I accept that we exist in a multi-verse, forced to teeter totter between personalities, goals, and dreams? Is it okay that I never feel fully here? Do I continue to cut back and do less in order to put more time towards setting myself up for presence? But doesn’t the set-up piece of it take me away from presence itself? I’ve been told it’s all in the mind and I need to shift my mind-set. But my brain doesn’t work well in a disordered way.

I am finding peace in pieces I have written, such as this one on creating empty space. My past self reminds me I could be better about setting boundaries. There is hope in the time-blocking strategies I wrote for new parents. If there is something I just don’t see, please write to me. If it’s just something we must get through, tell me too. Right now, I am just riding waves.

Photo by Milan Popovic on Unsplash

Memorializing Your Life with Mootsh

Even before I become a mother, I had a penchant for pictures. On my adventures with Mike, I habitually toted my camera – whether we were climbing mountains or eating fine dining. I imagine it was an embarrassment to my family, and I believe Casey will feel the same while expressing it more, as children oft do. For now, he can’t protest. Lucky for me, as I’ve tripled in my documentation since his birth. My camera roll is overflowing with photographs and videos, and I can’t keep up with its management. At some point, I stared at my phone overwhelmed and decided, it’s best to leave that for a future version of me.

Then I was introduced to Mootsh. Mootsh is a paper company simplifying the process of transforming memories into tangible keepsakes. I know this would lead to clutter in the future, but there are items for which I can acquiesce. As a child and adult, I greatly enjoy perusing my mom’s photobooks. Digital versions don’t hold the same weight. It’s turning the pages and running my fingers on paper that does it for me. It’s the nostalgic smell of yellow pages, and the sound of crinkly plastic. If there was anything sentimental about me, it would be anything to do with pages.

What I like about Mootsh is their subscription program. For $16 a month, you can turn 10 memories into prints. I like that the limitation is on 10 photos, as it helps me curate my favorites of the month. I am a lover of intentionality, and curation is my calling. Of course, if you wish to print more, there is an option to add prints for $0.85 per print. However, in an effort to limit clutter, I am going to keep myself at ten prints. By choosing which pictures to print, I have the opportunity to reflect on the best moments of the month. Unsurprisingly, I gravitated towards days at home, our hikes, and moments we were outdoors.

I thought I’d give them a try for the first three months of the year 2024 (gifted). I sent my January photos in this month. The photos came back in an envelope with a dated summary card. I love this idea as it keeps everything organized by date. Mootsh sells a Mootsh Box that perfectly stores 12 envelopes for the year. I can see yearly boxes being filed away in a cabinet for safe keeping. Going down memory lane is as easy as choosing the year and month to reminisce.

The best part about Mootsh is the potential to create a habit. Every month, my print subscription renews on the same day. I look forward to my next one like it’s Christmas morning. This will help me create the habit of curating my photos. While I am choosing my prints, I am also deleting the repetitive and bad photos on my phone. Trust me, there are a lot! At least my photos folder is pared down after each Mootsh order.

While the quality of Mootsh prints is arguably not as solid as traditional photo prints, I can appreciate the accessibility and ease that their subscription provides. In fact, if the goal is to simply “get photos off your phone”, then this company does it well. Uploading photos is a breeze and ordering is easy to do! This would make a great gift idea for any parents out there. For Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, gift 3, 6 or 12 months to an awesome parent! That way they can commemorate special moments without added stress. The Mootsh box also makes a great addition for the yearly option. I partnered with Mootsh to give my audience 50% off the first month with the code thedebtist. If you’ve been overwhelmed by the sheer amount of photos on your camera roll and want to declutter the organizing of them from the to-do list, Mootsh is the way.

Questions Expecting Working Moms Should Be Asking Their Significant Other

I am currently reading the book Power Moms: How Executive Mothers Navigate Work and Life by Joann S. Lublin and it resonates with me really well. The book addresses the pervading dichotomy between mother and father societal expectations when it comes to parenting at home. I am comforted to see gender roles starting to blend more on the homefront, but this traditional “second-shift” still exists in many households and should not go unmentioned.

I, myself, delayed child-rearing after learning that the discrepancy between male and female salaries depend not on your gender, but rather, if you chose to have a child as a woman. A childless female makes comparable career moves up the social ladder but a mother does not. Because I took out a looming student loan, I knew when we married six months out of dental school that I did not want to impede my ability to make money and live my life. Now that we’ve set ourselves up financially and have financial freedom, I feel more ready and able to move forward.

Still, working moms need to have conversations with their significant others about expectations. If anything, as a courtesy to the other person. More importantly, as a team-effort to set both parents up for familial success. You may be surprised to learn that despite awareness around gender equality, the traditional roles are still discreetly embedded in everyday language and thereby everyday thinking. Even now, at a time when parenting roles are at their most equal, I got comments from people such as, “You’re not going to want to come back to work after becoming a mom”, “You’re leaving too early for your maternity leave” (I left 2.5 weeks before my due date), and one boss even cut my work a few weeks earlier than when I originally requested for my time off.

Not that I complained about any of it, because I’ve established financial independence from work either way. And I was quite looking forward to my maternity leave. But that’s kind of exactly my point. We should complain about it. Or at least bring it up with someone, somewhere. I would say, with significant others to start.

Look. You are a power mom. You work a career that you want to move up in. You have your own life, needs, and wants. You can make sacrifices, but in an equal manner. And let’s be totally clear. There is no TRUE equality when it comes to divvying up household responsibilities but at least have peace with what you end up doing. Having these conversations early allows time for adjustment. We started talking about stuff even before we became pregnant. Doing so provides a guideline for how to handle “problems” before they even happen. Both parents will be more prepared for rising challenges. The answers are by no means rigid, but its a starting place.

Questions Expecting Working Moms Should Ask

What roles is each parent responsible for at home? What chores do you like to do? What do you wish you didn’t have to do? Which ones can we divvy up evenly? For example, I love doing dishes, and Mike is great at cooking. His best quality in the kitchen is cutting and dicing, while I am particularly keen on stirring, frying, organizing ingredients and putting things away. He hates folding laundry, and I hate cat litter. He pulls the trashcan out every week, but I usually clean the bathroom stall. Find what you excel at, love to do, and try to volunteer for those first. As for the rest, find a way to share the task or get someone else to do it.
What is one way to organize family life? I bought a monthly calendar for our bedroom so we can keep track of appointments. You can also share a Google Drive which a friend of ours does, but I find that Mike never looks at it and then it’s just wasted effort. At least the monthly calendar in our room is in the hallway between the bed and the bathroom. Plenty of opportunity to pass it by both in the morning and at night. Another thing to consider is using to-doist or some other app to keep track of household chores that need to get done. As a team, make an effort to check off something from the list that could help lighten the load for the other person. A to-doist list could include making doctor appointments for the kids, picking up grocery items, or planning future events with the in-laws.
If the baby is sick, which one of us stays home? We have decided that it will be Mike as he can technically do his work remotely. He has actually been WFH since 2020. Because I see patients at the clinic, canceling my day of dentistry will affect way more people than him working from home. At the same time, we can call on grandparents to help support him while he works from home. As compromise, I promise to try to move patients around my schedule (perhaps skip lunch) so that I could have a shorter day and come home sooner to help him with our sick child. My office is also only 5 miles away, making it easy for me to jet home and help the family out. In comparison, his office is 28 miles away, which would make it more difficult if the roles were reversed.
Who cares about their career more? I think it’s fair to say that the person who cares about their career more should get first dibs on career moves. Mike LOVES his job. I like mine just fine, but I also dabble in other passions such as dog-sitting that I don’t think mine is as important to bend over backwards for. My career also has more flexibility in general, as I can pick up shifts at other offices, work at multiple offices as an associate or even open my own practice. When it comes to risking losing a job, I would give mine up in a heartbeat if it means Mike gets to keep his.
Who can have the most flexible schedule? The person with the more flexible schedule has more opportunity to help at home. It does not meet they have to bear the weight. But acknowledging the flexibility is a great starting point to setting boundaries or limitations to that flexibility.
Can we split time with baby at home? As someone who grew up with one stay-at-home parent and one always-away parent, I was very aware of the inequality of time allocation. My dad actually traveled a lot for work. He was gone a week at a time, meeting with clients in Asia. He also worked multiple jobs and did night and weekend shifts at Staples, Blockbuster, and Robinson’s May. It affected me a lot to always have one missing parent, so even when we got married, I told Mike that I prefer his jobs don’t take him away on travel. Growing up with that, I wanted to try my best to share our time with baby. Not only was it enough that I was home, but I want him to be home too. We are lucky in that we both have work flexibility. He plans to go into the office Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. I plan to go into a dental office Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Both of us will be home on Sundays. That gives us 4 days to be at home every week. Not everyone has this flexibility, although there are plenty of ways to make it work. For example, I know of a couple wherein the dad works night shifts and mom works day shifts. They take turns spending time and raising their two kids, even if it means they hardly see each other. To them, that was a priority.
How much money do we actually have to make? Where can we cut? You may be surprised to learn that post-baby’s birth, you don’t have the same desires as you once did. Those late nights at the bar, loud concerts, and constant travel may be a chapter in your life that ends. It isn’t a bad thing. But realizing where you can cut can actually alleviate or remove financial stress, which is what many parents struggle with. Figure out the amount of money you really need, then establish a way to achieve that goal while reallocating the other work hours you used to spend doing new things at home.
What will we do for an emergency fund? This should definitely be a question answered, as there will be emergencies. Knowing where the money will come from (whether that be from a savings account, from family and friends, from stocks, or by selling off something you own) will make it more seamless when you need money right away for an emergency.
How often will we do finance check ins? In our family, we do weekly budgeting meetings since we got married. Making sure your finances are squared away will make the family unit run so much more smoothly. We use YNAB as our budgeting tool and it is easy, efficient, and accessible to both of us.
How often will we do mental health check-ins? Role equality check-ins? I think once a quarter, we will voice our resentments, difficulties, and hopes. We also plan to re-evaluate our roles. Are the tasks we are doing at home equal? Is someone slipping on their duties? Is it a matter of needing to re-assign tasks or hire a third-party to outsource a task in order to prioritize other things?
What are ways in which we can get increased support shall we need it? Call on the grandparents to take shifts on weekdays? Ask for grandparents to do babysitting on weekends so we can do errands or go on a date night? Hire an au pair if the grandparents aren’t working out or if it is too heavy of a burden on them and us? Hire a part-time nanny or sign them up for daycare or pre-school?
What are things that rejuvenate you and your partner? When I see my partner struggling, I know that he either needs sleep, space, or time to himself. Things that rejuvenate him are music, whiling away on the phone or computer, video games, or the TV. I am quite the opposite. Things that rejuvenate me include working out, taking a shower, getting some sunlight either by walking or swimming, writing/journaling, or reading a book. But like him, I also need that space or time to myself to feel human. That being said, you need to find space in the schedule for you-time. For example, we’ve talked about carving out a few hours a week before or after work for our own sanity.
How often shall we make time for us? The all-important question. It was you two before any of this started. Make sure it’s still you two when it ends.

A Word on Modern Dads Pulling Their Weight At Home

I must say, I swell with pride when I see amazing dads take to the homefront more. There are a lot of you out there, and I see you. In fact, as of 2016, 17% of men are stay-at-home dads. One of our best friends recently decided to be the stay-at-home dad while his career-driven wife does the bread-winning. We have another friend who works-from-home and brings their baby daughter on his wife’s conference trips, since she travels a lot and works directly under the VP of the company. Because the entire family travels with her on these trips, his wife is still able to breast feed their 6+ month baby during conference breaks. Another father in our neighborhood is home with his son every day and takes him out on walks a few times a day. I’ve seen him diligently care for their boy while his wife goes into work.

My own dad became a work-from-home dad in 2008, thereby allowing my mom (who gave up her job in the 90’s in order to raise three children) to go back to work again. Today my dad preps my mom’s lunches for the day, walks the dog, and does household errands on his down-time from work. And now that I am on my own parenting journey, my own husband has been able to secure WFH every Tuesday and Friday, thereby allowing me to work at a dental office on Tuesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. I am excited to know that our son will be raised with both of his parents at home equally. But none of this would have happened if we did not talk about our expectations first!

Photo by Rachel Moenning on Unsplash

Baby Bay Bassinet Meets Small Space Dweller’s Dreams

lt is easier to curate a home for yourself than it is to curate one for someone else. Who am I to decide what’s right, functional, or preferable by this tiny human on the way? Yet here we are, as future parents, with that exact job. Deciding baby stuff can be overwhelming. But sticking to your values lends light at the end of a dark, long tunnel. For our home, my requirements are to live simply, choose ethically, prioritize function, and seek beauty. If you think that’s too big an ask, then you haven’t heard about Baby Bay. They provide bassinets that meet this small space dweller’s dreams.

Baby Bay Bassinet In Small Spaces

An important deciding factor on any furniture purchase for us is how much real estate something takes up. Our total square footage in our upstairs living area is less than 900 square feet. Always has been, to be honest. I am a small space dweller and I love it. But it comes with serious decision-making!

I prefer minimalist products. No bulky pieces of wood for me. My side chairs in the living room are made of wire instead of being arm chairs. My couch is low as can be to give the mirage of taller ceilings. The headboard to the master bed isn’t solid. The stools at the kitchen counter have no backs. My desk sits on rails. And our Baby Bay bassinet has slats all the way around. My rule of thumb, to state the obvious, is to choose furniture that maximizes light, air, and the feeling of space.

The Baby Bay also wins in design. It has a half-moon shape, which allows it to fit bed-side. It also fits in a nook by my desk, next to the dining table, or in the small hall by the kitchen counter. The flat end tucks nicely against a wall, counter, table, or bed. And underneath the adjustable mattress base is plenty of room for more storage or a pet bed.

Baby Bay Bassinet’s Small Footprint

When I say small footprint, I am referring to the carbon kind. The bassinets are made in Germany. They are constructed with solid beechwood that is naturally anti-bacterial. Sourced ethically, the wood remains untreated, making it safe for baby. The company also provides organic jersey sheets and takes pride that their products are manufactured responsibly.

More importantly, the bassinets are upcyclable. Meaning, there are all sorts of ways in which to turn this bassinet into alternative furniture once it is outgrown. Unlike other bassinets that remain just that, this one is multi-functional! It converts to a larger crib if you place two bays together to form a rectangular crib. It can also double as a bench for little folk by removing the rail and lowering the base. Some mothers turned the bassinet into a work desk by removing the mattress and placing a seat at the end. Lower the mattress even more and it can turn into a pet bed. Or a doll bench. Or a toy ‘box’. I could also see it functioning as a coffee or bar cart. Entertain guests with this wheelable cocktail counter! Which brings me to my next point…

Baby Bay Bassinet’s Functionality

When it comes down to it, I chose this bassinet for its functionality. I’ve already given examples of its variability, but it doesn’t come close to its function. Since I plan to nurse as best I can, I wanted a bay that was bedside. Reason being, I want to avoid getting up in the middle of the night to walk to a crib, even one in the same room. Especially in those early weeks, I will be tired and recovering. However, I also knew that keeping the baby in our bed would cause anxiety in me, as I am such a sound sleeper! This bassinet gives baby a place to sleep safely while still being within arms reach for those nightly feedings. Having him bedside will allow me to bond and nurture, without having to physically go to him.

The first few nights after the hospital, one of my main priorities is rest. With the help of my husband (who can also position the bay next to his side of the bed), I will be able to recover while providing for my newborn. My husband has the task of waking him, changing him, burping him, and putting him back to sleep before and after each feeding. Since the bay can sit on either side of the bed, it doesn’t always have to be me, me, me. Therefore, Baby Bay gives back to mamas, too!

Rest assured of this bassinet’s safety. There’s a function that locks the bassinet into the base of parent’s beds. In a state like California where earthquakes are possible, that might be the bay’s selling point. I also liked that my baby would always be within arms reach, in case of emergencies. Lastly, I can peek over my side of the bed and make sure the baby is safely sleeping.

Life After Baby with Baby Bay

This bassinet has the option to add caster wheels, making it wheelable. The portability of the baby around the house gives us more flexibility. So many parents say that they can’t even shower or use the restroom because they’re too afraid to leave their baby alone. With Baby Bay, we can bring the baby close to the glass shower stall, where we can keep an eye. Actually, we can bring them anywhere in the home!

The wheels give me hope that, in due time, I will have a remote part of my previous life back. I don’t want to be a parent tied to a baby monitor, or hovering anxiously over a crib. But I also want to be near my baby. For those who say you cannot have the best of both worlds, I’d like to step up to the challenge and try.

Call it the stuff of dreams, but I would love to be put-putting around the kitchen, writing blog posts at a desk, entertaining guests on the balcony, or reading a book in the living room while still being a present mom. The saving grace of our small space is that there is a centric spot reserved for the bay wherein we can keep an eye from multiple rooms. Additionally, the living space is consolidated on the same floor. She may be small, but our space is mighty functional. I think that the Baby Bay bassinet provides solutions that mothers could only once dream of. This mum, anyway!

This post was sponsored by BabyBay USA. The minute I learned of them, I was enamored by what they were doing. All thoughts and opinions in this space are my own. I do my best in sourcing what I believe to be the best products for the personal values this blog represents. For those wishing to try BabyBay (highly recommend!), you can take advantage of my discount code SAMANTHA10 if you purchase on their site. Thank you for supporting the brands that support this space.

Intentional Living: Christmas Returns

I wanted to share the story of the Christmas gift that I purchased for Mikey last month. It was a fairly expensive piece of coffee equipment called the Ratio 6 (affiliate link should you choose to try it). It has been raved about by coffee addicts for being a drip machine that produces pour-over-quality coffee. We’ve been dying to try it for ages, but the high price point prevented us from buying it. Finally, I decided a joint Christmas/Anniversary gift would justify the splurge. However, the purchase did not go as planned.

We tried the Ratio 6 the week after Christmas. It looked gorgeous on our countertop. Easy to use, we thought this would be the perfect coffee maker for when the baby arrives. As we hope to have help in the form of grandparents, we figured that our community would involve a lot of people needing caffeine. It was a gift that we hoped would give to others.

And it made stellar coffee. Just as people said it would. However, the one part we didn’t like about it is the way the kettle poured the coffee. It splashed and gurgled due to an odd interior design. The anatomy of the spout had a lip that caused a bump during the pour. It was a mess to serve coffee from. Because of that one flaw, we decided to return it.

I don’t share this story to promote a snobbish sense of character. But the machine cost an arm and a leg, and the value just wasn’t there. In terms of functionality, it didn’t deliver the ease of use we wanted. So, we ended up trading it in for a standard Mr. Coffee machine that cost a tenth of the price. We figured that the purpose was to make big batches of joe that would sustain our community of baby helpers. We compromise by using quality coffee and water to begin with, and settle with less than pour-over standards for the sake of convenience. Plus, we saved a lot of money.

There was a time when I would have kept the machine. It would have photographed well. It would have made good coffee. People would have oohed and aahed. And I’ve been wanting it for a while. Previous me would use my want as justification enough to keep it. But I have since moved on to a more intentional lifestyle.

The power of intentionality requires that we make decisions based on value. We did not keep the machine because of a singular flaw. But for me, if it isn’t 100%, it isn’t anything at all. Some would overlook a short-coming so “minor”. I mean, it made dang good coffee at the push of a button. I give it cred. However, I saw the “minor flaw” as a reminder, as well as a relearning of a lesson. We can choose to spend our money on things other people convince us is “worth it”. But if you yourself don’t believe it to be true, have the courage to walk away. The media will sell. The group will convince you otherwise. Remember this: don’t waste your time on things that fall short. Life will not wait.

Unembarrasing Tips for Decluttering Christmas Gifts

Return for cash or credit.
Regift to others.
Resell on Poshmark or Craisglist.
List on your local Buy Nothing Group

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

This post may contain affiliate links. Please see my disclosure to learn more.

My Free Advent Calendar 2022

I spent a lovely weekend refining this season’s advent calendar. Unlike one purchased from a grocery store, chalk-full of chocolates, treats, or tiny trinkets, mine is of the free and freeing variety. I have loved the challenge of creating a frugal holiday season for years now and once before published an advent calendar idea in this space. Instead of items, my calendar is self-made and filled with activities. More specifically… it’s a collection of errands focused on slowing down. I call it an ode to ending the year just right. In an effort to avoid the bustle that sweeps away our last few months from us (poof! there it goes again!), I created a list of things I want to ensure I do before the year’s end. Consider it a dedication to standing by how we as a family want to live our lives.

This year’s advent calendar looks a bit like this:

Jacuzzi dip on a cold winter evening.
Bake rice crispy treats for nostalgia’s sake.
Head to the Hilltop Hangout to celebrate with neighbors and food trucks.
Do a pre-work bagel run with Mikey.
Check out the Holiday Market in Lights. See what the local artists are selling, listen to the carolers and consume wild amounts of hot cocoa and donuts.
Make peppermint syrup.
Watch an old Christmas movie and pop some corn.
Play a boardgame by the tree.
Pick oranges from the groves and make orange ornaments out of them.
Attend a friend’s holiday party.
View the local holiday lights while sipping on hot chocolate.
Order to-go dinner on a busy weeknight and eat by candlelight.
Make holiday themed pancakes.
Decorate a gingerbread house.
Do a family hike or some other outdoor activity.
Christmas gathering with my side of the family.
Bake cinnamon rolls.
Make cookies for the neighbors.
Deliver said cookies.
Puzzle party in pajamas.
Get a spa treatment with a friend.
Turn up the records.
Schedule a breakfast pastry and coffee gathering at our house.
Call my sister and parents who will be in Spain for Christmas.

Photo by Dari lli on Unsplash

My Favorite Books on Simple Living

Simple living has transformed my life. I initially was attracted to it because of the financial benefits of owning less and doing less. We are on a financial journey, after all! But after reading about it, I became obsessed with the thought of simplicity. Looking back, I have always been a simple person. I love that this lifestyle reduces stress, anxiety, clutter, spending, and the busy-ness that has pervaded my life. In its wake, simple living left me with peace, joy, clarity, and validation of who I am at my core. I can’t believe I haven’t created a round-up yet of my favorite books on simple living, but here they are.

Top books on Simple Living

Simple Matters by Erin Boyle
Goodbye Things by Fumio Sasaki
The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo
Chasing Slow by Erin Loechner
Do Less by Kate Northrup
Slow: Simple Living for a Frantic World by Brooke McAlary
The Year of Less by Cait Flanders
Essentialism by Greg McKeown
Kinfolk Home
Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport

I have read all of these books, although they are not in any particular order. Some of these authors were really good, and I’ve got my eyes set on a few new releases, as well as books I haven’t yet had the time to read. These include:

Hello Habits by Fumio Sasaki
Destination Simple by Brooke McAlary
Simple Living by Julia Watkins
Simplicity at Home by Yumiko Sekine

I hope you’ve found these lists useful. Simple living is one of the tactics we have used to tackle our $575k student loan debt. It has been instrumental in getting us this far. Paying down debt isn’t exactly the most sustainable task, but with simple living, we have been able to do it with success!

Photo by Arif Riyanto on Unsplash

Natural Nail Rituals with Bare Hands

I have always loved simplicity and a humble aesthetic. Even when it comes to fashion and beauty, I lean towards function and comfort. It has to look good too, but we can all find beauty in the mundane, everyday things. I have a penchant for the unappreciated as you may well know. So it’s only natural that my interest was piqued when I came across the brand Bare Hands, founded by Suzanne Shade who hopes to create an alternative to routine manis and pedis. Finally, I found a person glorifying the beauty of our nails’ most natural state.

We are not taught to love natural nails.

When I was young and going to dental school, there was a cardinal rule that applied only to women: Nails must not be painted with chemical color lest someone has an allergic reaction to any ingredient. I remember the rule feeling constrictive as a twenty-something year old female. Friends my age were just making their first paychecks, and taking care of themselves through manicures and pedicures. Attending social gatherings where girls were dolled up, sipping cocktails with their glossy nails made me feel what Anna Delvey would only describe as ‘poor‘.

I was embarrassed by my naked nails. They looked grungy after working with putty, plaster, and stone all week. My nails were dull, ragged, and downright ugly. I caught myself occasionally hiding them in my pockets or under the table. When Friday came around, I reserved an hour in the evening to paint them, only to remove the color by Sunday night. There was no way I could afford a mani/pedi, which runs at around $50 with tip. Beauty, it turns out, can also be expensive.

But the definition of beauty is changing.

Historically the idea of beauty has been elevated to unnatural levels. For some women, that also makes it unattainable. Just like makeup hides our natural facial features, polish hides our natural nails. We are always told to hide. Or reach for better. We are never enough.

The problem with covering ourselves in paint and powder is that we create a facade that’s a difficult standard to maintain. It complicates things. It keeps us from doing real work. More importantly, it keeps us from being ourselves.

I am grateful to see a shift in that thinking.

Simplicity is beautiful.

There is beauty in simplicity. We see that today, as more people turn towards minimalism, slow living, and intentional lifestyle choices. It started with the popularization of a natural looking brow. Then followed the revered diastema, a gap between the front two teeth. Makeup became more neutral as fashion styles veered towards chromophobia. Today, the rich aesthetic encompasses those along the greige spectrum of browns and greens. Think of stone-colored Porsches and neutral Yeezies. And we see this aesthetic translating to the nail industry.

Enter the era of natural nails.

Bare Hands is a brand revamping what the nail industry would consider beautiful. Gone are the days of bright colored polish, long fake nails, and glittery coats. If it isn’t neutral, it just isn’t posh. At least, that is the current consensus. But what of unpolished nails altogether? Suzanne has created a natural, healthy, and sustainable method for nail care.

As a dentist, baker, and dog-walker, having painted nails is problematic most of the time. And while I love getting fancy with my collection of curated J. Hannah polishes, I go without polish for more than half of the month for the sake of simplicity. Painted nails chip on oft used hands. Moreover, no one wants synthetic oils in their mouths or their dough. For many us who work in kitchens, studios, farms, and medical offices, painted nails are just not a sustainable option.

Additionally, maintenance is a pain. The amount of time it takes to put on and take off polish is significant if you add on dry-time. If you paint your nails weekly, this could be one and a half hours per week spent on upkeep. And it is expensive. Some women have reported spending $200 a month or more on nail care alone!

Suzanne created an alternative.

Suzanne is a woman after my own heart. She has always loved the look of natural nails. And as a frugalist, she could not fathom spending a fortune to keep up with the Joneses’ social standards. Her penchant for bare nails stems from her studies in art school. After learning that certain oil-based paints are not healthy for fine art use, she started to question why it was accepted for nail color.

So began her quest to get to the root cause of why women feel the need to paint their nails. Part of it is social, yes. Seeing others at that heightened level of beauty is a factor. However, she also discovered that most women simply did not like the appearance of their nails. And none of them had methods to care for it in a natural way.

Take me for example. Every week, I am baking sourdough, working on a farm, doing dentistry, and picking up dog poop. My hands take a beating. My nails are shot. It’s easier to cover up all that wear and tear. Polish is my pretend way of making my nails pretty. But after discovering the Dry Gloss Manicure from Bare Hands, I no longer have to hide.

The Dry Gloss Manicure by Bare Hands

The Dry Gloss Manicure kit is very simple and easy to use. A tutorial on their website taught me how to use it within minutes. The routine includes caring for your cuticles, buffing your nails to reveal a natural shine, and moisturizing with a citrine oil. You can soften the cuticles using sugar and coconut oil, ingredients already in your kitchen pantry. The kit provides a unique buffing tool and a citrine oil pen packaged in a beautiful leather case, shipped without plastic in a cardboard box.

I have actually made a habit of using the dry gloss manicure each night while I am watching TV or listening to a podcast. It has made a huge difference. I admire my nails often nowadays. I open my palm and try to catch a glint of natural light. On top of that, I am obsessed with the citrine oil, that I just might buy a bottle of it by itself from the site. It smells amazing and really moisturizes the dry skin around my nails!

Join the Movement

I think it’s time we embrace natural nails. Doing so will not only save us time and money, it will also save us from the related stresses. Namely, we no longer have to keep up with the Joneses, limit our movements and tasks, and hold ourselves to an impossible standard. We can embrace ourselves, do more of what we love, and feel confident in our skin.

Deep, deep gratitude to Suzanne for allowing me to try the Dry Gloss Manicure kit. As always, the thoughts and opinions are my own. If you wish to try the manicure yourself, feel free to use my code DEBTIST15 to receive 15% off all products. This is a one-time use code per person, and any links provided in this post are tied to my audience, although I earn no money from them. There is also a newly released Natural Pedicure Set which has a verbena balm for your heels. I can only imagine it being as lovely as the citrine oil. These two are great small gestures for the hard-working girlfriends in your life, but if you wish, there is a Mani Pedi Pairing that makes a grand gift. It also saves you $6 by buying the combo.