Mornings are for connection and creativity. I achieve this through morning rituals intentionally created for toddlers. It’s a house rule I made for our family. It isn’t far off from my “creative morning” mantra which I wholeheartedly lived by before having kids.
I find that we have a more peaceful day if we live in this way. The kids start with their cups full, which reduces meltdowns and tantrums. It also strengthens the bond we have. More importantly, it gives me a framework by which to structure my day. Time-blocking the morning for rituals that promote connection and creativity prevents me from fragmenting. I am able to give my all to my kids. And honestly, my cup starts full as well. So that later in the day, if something does invade my headspace, I don’t feel guilty about it.
Morning Rituals that Benefit Toddlers
I usually have a two hour wake window between when the kids wake and Zades’ first nap. During this time, we focus on togetherness. I wanted to instill in my kids this idea that we are a family unit. Connecting in those wee hours of the day sets the groundwork for living with this ethic.
Unlike routines which are habits built for efficiency, rituals are meaningful practices performed with a sense of purpose, intention and deep significance. There are many rituals that would increase connection with your toddler and young children. These are simply the ones that I cherish with my own. Rather than using it as a template for your morning, I hope you glean inspiration for your own household.
Eat breakfast together. (Another one of my house rules is to eat at the table as a family unit as often as we can.) I try to prep it all before they wake up. Nothing too over-the-top. Trader Joe’s croissants thrown into an oven while I do a workout. Yogurt, granola and berries served into plastic bowls. Scrambled eggs and hashbrown heated in my Balmuda toaster. Mashed avocado or banana for Zades. And sometimes, just toast and butter. Of course, coffee always.
Tidy the kitchen. Sometimes they play on our beloved floormat with toys that I store in baskets in the living room media cupboard. I cherish having a clean and tidy home. I find the kids are better adjusted when their environment isn’t so chaotic. As am I. This is a great opportunity to teach toddlers about stewardship. Casey has a hand brush and a dustpan tucked in the pantry. He grabs it to pick up crumbs from the floor. It takes him just long enough for me to put the dishes in the dishwasher.
Get creative juices flowing. If I sense my oldest needs to get creative energy out of his system, we do things like have a dance party or make art through painting and drawing. If his energy is low we focus on connection, we cuddle on the couch and read books. And when it’s right in the middle, we have started to enjoy boardgames. His favorites are ConnectFour and First Orchard.
Prepare little sister for her nap. Case helps me get Zades ready by carrying milk bottles upstairs, prepping milk using our BabyBrezza (so easy a toddler can do it!), handing me a new diaper, and turning on the sound machine. I like having my older toddler help with his little sister. This is a much-debated topic, but for our family, it was one of the tasks that connected him to his baby sister. I have to make sure we start the preparations early, before she gets overtired and cranky. It doesn’t feel good to rush a toddler into helping.
Promote independent play. Giving toddlers space to practice independent play is so important. While I put his little sister down for her nap, Casey reads in his room or plays with his toys. I usually come back to find he has discovered some new way to play with his toys or lost in storyland.
Spend 1-v-1 time. When our attention is divided, our toddlers can tell. It’s important to spend alone time with each kids. Zades’ nap routine is my 1-v-1 time with her. We cuddle on the rocking chair while she drinks a bottle of milk and I sing to her and hold her gaze until she falls asleep. Once the younger one is asleep, I spend 1-v-1 time with Casey. Sometimes we do things he likes that’s also helpful to me. We bake, prepare smoothies for his little sister, wash down the backyard with the hose, water the houseplant, or get ahead with the dinner prep. If there isn’t much housework to do, we get outside. We got this playhouse over the summer and he loves it.
By the time Zades wakes up from her first nap, both kids have filled their emotional cups enough to navigate the rest of the day.
I’d love to hear the morning rituals that you’ve created to foster connection and creativity with your kids!
Every few months, I get this insane itch to travel somewhere new. We just got back from our trip to Couer D’Alene in June but the travel bug is strong. And with a toddler in tow and number two on the way, our list of ideal places to go is quite short.
This go-around, Mike and I decided we wanted a babymoon. Well, if you can call it that when you have a very active human being running around. We thought about leaving Casey behind with Lolo and Lola, but then we felt like, “This is going to be the last trip, just the three of us!”. It seems like a silly thought, considering he is only 14 months old. Our family of three era is so short-lived, so we decided to commemorate it by bringing him along. (Much to our potential regret later).
And wowee, we’ve done it again! We secured free flights for our family of three to Hawaii by travel hacking with credit cards. If you want to know how, this is the post for you.
Travel Hacking
I have written so many posts about travel hacking. In our 7 years of marriage, Mike and I have visited ten countries and countless places around the US for nearly FREE. We use credit card rewards points to book flights and sometimes hotels. For the sake of not being too repetitive, I am just going to list my previous posts on travel hacking here.
How to Get Free Flights for a Family of Three to Hawaii
Some people say travel-hacking isn’t worth it these days but I would like to push back on that. We still managed to get free flights for a family of three to Hawaii using travel hacking. The normal cost of these flights was $1,800 total for the family. I would consider that decent savings! And we did it by opening one credit card: American Express Gold Personal Credit Card . Right now as of July 2024, you can get an extra 30,000 rewards points by using my referral link for a whopping sign-up bonus of 90,000 rewards points. That is 50% MORE POINTS.
All you do for travel hacking is sign up for credit cards to receive their massive sign-up bonus. You have to hit a minimum spend within a particular timeline. In American Express Gold’s case, it is $6k in 3 months. If you think that’s difficult to do, maybe you’d want to check out my post: Ways to Meet Credit Card Minimum Spend to Earn Sign Up Bonus Faster Without Spending More Money. There are a lot of tricks you can use to get to such a big number. The important thing is to not miss the deadline. The sign-up bonus points is the only thing that makes opening new credit cards worth it. I particularly like American Express Gold because it gives 4x the points on groceries and dining out. That is the majority of the spending we do on a daily basis.
I just wanted to take a minute to share our number one travel hacking trick: We open credit cards before a planned large spend. For example, buying a new home, renovating a home, welcoming a baby into the family, going on another trip, or the holidays are all great times to open a credit card. You just put those big ticket items on there in order to reach your minimum spend quicker. Then you and your family of three can go to Hawaii!
We are so excited because we used one person’s Amex points to pay for our Hawaii trip. Next summer, we plan to use the other person’s Amex points to fly our family of four to Europe (babe flies for free). How does gamifying travel sound to you?
I thought I would be the type of mum who would never hire a nanny. And here I am, sharing interview questions for one. Obviously, I have changed my mind. Why, you ask? Simply because hiring help will give me the time to do high-level management that gets ignored when 100% of my time is spent working on simple tasks. I have come to realize that a nanny will not only improve Casey’s upbringing, it will also facilitate the planning and organization needed to allow our family to thrive in the long-run. It is a no-brainer investment in our future. Before I share my interview questions, let me first share with you how it has been, and where I am at. If you wish, you can skip the jargon and go straight to the questions as the bottom of this post.
How It Has Been
Up until now, Mike and I have been raising Casey with the help of his grandparents and making do. I stay home Mondays and Thursdays and Mike works from home Tuesdays and Fridays. We’ve offset our Wednesdays so that he goes in at 7am and I go in at 11am, thereby leaving Casey alone with the grandparents for only half a day. I also go in for a half-day on Saturdays when Mikey is at home. Sunday is the only day all three of us are home together. In my head, this made the perfect workweek. I work a total of 3.5 days thereby leaving me with 3.5 days to be a mother. Although it has been working out so far, it’s not ideal.
You see, I am essentially working 100% of the time. Even though I am at home, I am still working. The only difference is that I wasn’t getting paid to do it. Parenthood isn’t a break from work, and this schedule left us longing for a bit of us-time and me-time. Without that space to be by ourselves, we were not recharging. I lost my flow, and thereby my way. I stopped doing the important work, which for me included writing, reading, and exercising.
At the same time, my standard of basic necessities were not being met. That’s what happens when you are taking care of a little human. Simple things such as brushing my teeth in the morning, cleaning the house, and even (gasp!) budgeting and bills were neglected. Yes. Brushing my teeth!!! WHO EVEN AM I??
I was spending too much of my time “working”, and I wasn’t doing high-level stuff like planning and organizing. We were spending more money on groceries because I didn’t have a list. We were paying for stuff out of convenience and to save time (mostly because I just forgot). I had to hire a cleaner not because I disliked cleaning, but where was the time? Essentially, the extra money I was making, I was burning through because there was no space or mental energy left to make better decisions. The truth was, I was more tired when I stayed at home than when I went into work. In fact, I cherished the days I worked. I got to “take a break”.
Where I Am At
For a long time, I thought that paying for a nanny was a waste of money. “We could do it,” I thought. This was mostly fueled by culture bias. I was taught by my parents that it is our job to raise our own children. My mom was a stay-at-home mom after all. And while I did not want to part with my work (keeping identity is a core value of mine), I still felt pressure to be 100% caregiver when I wasn’t at work. This was before I realized being at home was ridiculously more work than work itself. There came a point where I felt rock-bottom, exhausted, tired, over-stretched and under-performing in all areas of life. I needed space to regroup.
Now I realize that hiring part-time help allows for high-level activity such as recharging myself, optimizing cash flow, investing time and resources, and providing a healthy and happy home. I could budget again, plan for expenses, and even create fun activities for my focused and dedicated time to Casey. I am a firm believer in taking care of yourself so you can care for others.
Still, I wanted Casey to grow up with us around at all times. This is why we chose a part-time nanny over daycare. So we maintain our presence by having one parent home every day except Wednesday. We can always join in on the activities during the day if we want to. At the same time, we can focus on other tasks while she is here. The point is, we have options. And we are still around. But we have more time. Or at least, the time is more focused. Because we don’t have to deal with the little things like washing bottles, tidying the room, organizing his dresser, and folding laundry – I can plan for awake time activities, learn about starting solids, and research interactive baby products while he is asleep. Then when he is awake, I can still be with him.
In addition, we realized that grandparents should be grandparents, not caretakers. They should enjoy their grandchildren, having already put in the work when they were young. They shouldn’t carry the responsibility of child-rearing. This and for other reasons, we’ve decided to hire a part-time nanny. And we found one who is just like family! For those who are also looking, I am sharing the interview questions I gathered, in true fashion.
Interview Questions for a Nanny
Development
What do you think a baby this age needs most?
Do you believe baby and toddlers should be disciplined if at all? How?
What developmental play do you recommend for kids this age?
Do you use a lot of toys to play with your kids? If not, what are alternate activities?
How would you teach a baby to crawl?
Have you had experience with special needs kids? What are ways in which you’ve helped them grow?
Structure
How do you see yourself spending the day with a baby this age?
Are you good at sticking to schedules?
What will you do during baby’s nap time?
Tell me about how you would spend your ideal day with a baby this age. Be specific on activities you like to do with baby. We like to make a routine that works for you and baby.
When the baby starts getting more active/getting into everything, how will you handle it?
Are you a punctual person?
Skills
Are you open to doing household chores and light cleaning while the baby is asleep?
Are you certified in Baby CPR and First Aid Training?
What is your experience with starting solids?
How would you approach sleep training?
Can you speak another language? Are you willing to speak to our child in only that language?
How many kids did you watch at your last job?
Do you know sign language?
Personal
Do you have children of your own? Will they interfere with work?
How will you give feedback to me? How are you with receiving honest feedback yourself? Open communication is key.
Would you describe yourself as neat/organized or a bit messy?
Are you physically fit to chase a toddler around? Are you in good health? When was your last medical exam and appropriate vaccinations?
Is your schedule flexible?
How much vacation do you generally take per year? Are there any coming up?
Are you willing to travel with us for vacation and how do you wish to be compensated during travel?
Are you generally comfortable with asking for help?
How will you set boundaries around family and grandparents who may want to dictate what happens with baby?
Do you feel comfortable taking charge of stressful situations?
Is your caring for baby more grandmotherly or more about raising an independent child?
What questions do you have for me?
I know some of these appear blunt, but in general I am usually upfront at the get-go. Watch out for red flags. Uncertainty or hesitation could indicate they are holding back. At the same time, have grace. Some of these nannies shine in performance, but may not interview well. Their expertise lies in dealing with children and babies, not necessarily adults. I always recommend a trial run prior to signing a contract. At the end of the day, go with your gut feeling. Interviews are merely an opportunity for you to get a feel for this person, who will essentially be an extension of your child’s family. Make sure it feels right. For our nanny interview, we knew right away!
A fellow mom-traveler once told me that six months was the best time to travel with an infant. This was after I had voiced to her my fear of giving up our favorite hobby (traveling to international countries) when I found out I was pregnant with Casey. When Japan reopened to the rest of the world Fall 2022, I knew that we had to go. Japan has been a bucket list destination for Mike and I for YEARS. We literally had plane tickets March of 2020. For three years, my biggest regret was not getting on that plane. So we decided to book a trip and I am so glad we did! These are my thoughts, tips, and gripes with traveling with a 6-month-old infant. The trip, by the way, was nothing short of amazing.
What Age Is Best for Traveling with Infants?
My mom-friend recommended six months but we booked our flight at 5.5 months. Why? Because we wanted to fly to Japan before starting solids at six months. It made meal-times with our little one easier, as he was 100% fed on baby formula, and we didn’t have to worry about exotic foods and microbacteria from another country causing sickness during our trip.
However, if I could have a re-do, I would choose to travel to Japan at 4 or 4.5 months because we set ourselves back with sleep-training. I felt like Casey was getting the hang of sleeping through the night around 4.5 months. Unfortunately with this trip, it took two weeks to set back his clock. At which point, Daylight Savings time occurred, so we are still adjusting.
Also, at 4.5 months, Casey was less energetic, mobile, talkative and demanding. At around 5.5 months, he could already voice his discontent, hunger, and tiredness with banshee shrieks and temper tantrums. We had to cater more to his desires. I think at 4.5 months, we would have to cater to his needs, but not so much his wants.
On the flip-side, I am SO happy we went to Japan at this age. Mike and I agreed that at 1 years old, we would have to worry about a toddler starting to walk (or run?) away from us. This would be a nightmare to manage with Japan’s heavy foot-traffic and metro crowds. And if he were a bit older still, we would have to deal with whining, complaining, and general resistance. Odds are a toddler would not be keen on hours of site seeing, miles of walking, and the general shopping and food scene. I could see Casey begging to go back to the hotel where there’s at least a pool! So next time we go to Japan, we already decided that Casey will be staying home with the grandparents.
What Items Did We Bring?
Let me start by saying that we brought way too much stuff. I heard that it was a bit difficult to secure baby items such as diapers and formula in Japan, so we decided to bring those with us. I was glad we did because we didn’t have to waste time trying to find these items on our trip. Since we travel much slower with a child in general, wasting time was not something we wanted to do. But for a ten day trip, I brought 100 diapers and 2 containers of Similac. We could have probably gotten away with 75 diapers (with enough to spare!) and 1.25 containers of formula.
We also brought an umbrella stroller. This was a great decision on our part. The umbrella stroller we had was this one and costs $40. It is lightweight at less than 5 pounds, which was useful for me. When we experienced rough terrain (aka cobblestone streets or temple hikes), we carried Casey and folded up the stroller. Mike carried Casey in a dual-facing carrier (another MUST!), while I lugged the stroller. It folds up into a slim profile and is similar to carrying an umbrella around! Plus it doubled as a staff when we were hiking up Fushimi Inari Shrine.
Mikey preferred to use the ErgoBaby Omni Carrier and I prefered to push the stroller. This worked out well, since we needed to do a lot of adjustments if we shared the same carrier. He is 6’3″ and I am 5’1″. There is one thing the carrier did better than the stroller! Casey loved to sleep in the carrier. The stroller was upright and uncomfortable for him to sleep in. The bumpy roads didn’t help either. So whenever it was nap-time, or when we wanted to stroll through a busy market, we popped Casey into the carrier and called it a day.
Other than that, we brought ten days worth of day-time and night-time outfits for Casey. In my opinion, we could have probably cut the night-time outfits in half and reused some of them, as he only really slept in them. We brought bibs, and socks. At this age, he could care less about shoes and accessories. And we brought three jackets, which was two too many in October. Japan was fairly warm during our entire stay, raining for only 2 of the 10 days.
How Was Transportation with an Infant in Japan?
In many ways, Japan was the perfect place to travel with an infant. Japan is one of the few countries where we do not have to bring a carseat or rent one out. Their public transportation system was simple, easy, and clean! We bought a Japan Rail Pass ahead of time, but to be honest, you can get by fine without one. One app that we downloaded that really helped was the SUICA app. It lets you direct transfer from your bank account funds to use for trains and metros.
There was a train every few minutes so you didn’t have to stress if you missed one. And they were reliably on time too! If you hop on a bus, no worries. They let you as long as your small infant is in a carrier. And if you are worried about crowded trains, I never once experienced the horrible videos that you see online. Part of that could be that October is not one of their peak seasons for visitors. Either way, I wouldn’t worry too much. Just avoid the peak hours if you do go during cherry blossom season!
What Are the Best Things To Do With An Infant?
There were definitely some things that were great activities for parents with infants, and others that were not. My favorites could be different from other moms, but I wanted to share them here. In general, the best activities involved being outdoors.
I loved walking through markets in Japan with Casey. There were many things to look at and he was enthralled by the lights and colors at the stands. We carried him in the carrier for the markets, so if he ever got tired, he would just fall asleep. When he got fussy, we would just point at an object in the stand and curiosity would get the better of him. He would stop fussing right away.
The same goes for temples. Because it was a lot of strolling through gardens and mini hikes outdoors, temples and shrine sight-seeing was wonderful. We avoided going inside the temples and shrines because it was fairly crowded and because indoor spaces got Casey riled up in general. We did not want to disturb the peace in the sacred spaces. But I greatly enjoyed seeing shrines and temples in Kyoto with Casey and Mike. Just like the markets, we carried him in the carrier for most of the time and he would fall asleep as he got tired.
As far as indoor activities go, one of my favorites was shopping. Japan has so many different stores to see. I had a blast just learning about their culture, seeing handcrafted items, and shopping at some of the most futuristic stores I have ever seen. We did not even BUY a ton of items or souvenirs, but walking around was enjoyable. For these adventures, Casey was mostly in a stroller. The best part about Japanese stores and temples was that they had many clean public restrooms specifically for infants, mothers, and handicapped persons. I never had an issue finding a place to change Casey’s diaper in these spaces.
What Were the Difficulties of Traveling Japan with an Infant?
In general, being in a restaurant in Japan was tough. The restaurants were typically small spaces, with counter seating or tiny booths. Some could only seat 8 people. Most of the time, the cooking is done directly behind the counter or at your table. Because of these facts, restaurants tended to be crowded, loud, and smoky. We hardly had a place to put the stroller, and the carrier was no good when we sat down and ate. So most of the time, we had to take turns holding and occupying Casey, who wanted to nab whatever was on the table.
This meant that sit-down meals were usually not that enjoyable. Our coffee dates also required us to be mindful of where Casey’s flailing arms and legs were. I much preferred to pick up food from a convenience store, at one of the train stations, or from a market. Eating standing up, outdoors, and on-the-go was a much more enjoyable experience for me than going to a restaurant. There WAS one evening where Mike and I were able to enjoy an omikase sushi meal for two. We hired a baby sitter and if I had known that that would’ve made dinners more pleasurable, I would have hired a sitter every night we were in Tokyo!
How Was It Hiring a Baby Sitter?
When I posted about hiring a baby sitter on Instagram, everyone and their mom wanted to know what that experience was like. Mostly, everyone was concerned about the safety of leaving Casey with a stranger at a hotel in a foreign country. But let me tell you, it was the best thing we did and I would 100% do it again next time.
Our hotel managed the booking of the nanny. We went to the concierge one morning and inquired. They reached out to a babysitting agency and found that none were available for that evening but one was available for the following night so we booked it. The minimum time was 2 hours of baby sitting. The price came out to $30 per hour. And if we went past 10pm, we had to pay a little extra for the sitter’s fare home (because it was pricier late at night to get a cab). Everything was paid for and managed through the hotel.
When the sitter arrived at the hotel, they called our room and asked to escort her upstairs. She came dressed up in a black dress, and promptly took off her shoes when she entered the room. She put on a white apron and slippers. And then she told us to have a great night, bowing until we were out the door.
Casey was easy to watch. His bed time was around 7pm. We had the sitter arrive at 8pm and went to dinner from 8-10pm. We stayed out a bit later, which the nanny did not mind. Casey did not wake up during the entire time she watched him. Which meant it was fairly easy for her, too! We felt comfortable and relaxed with her. Because it was through an official agency, and because the hotel concierge was aware of her presence, we just felt safe. Japan, in general, made us feel safe. I would 10/10 recommend doing this for young parents who want time to themselves.
In Conclusion
I hope this post was helpful for those who wish to travel to Japan with an infant but have reservations about doing so. I am so happy we did it as Japan was on our bucket list for a long time. It was a great trip. Of course, you have to be prepared for baby melt-downs and slowing down in general. But otherwise, go have fun!
Casey was born on Earth Day, something both me and Mike are proud of. As a couple attempting to live sustainably, we felt that his birthday was somehow symbolic of what we hoped for our son. Someone who appreciates nature, understands ecology, respects our place in biology and becomes a tenant of this planet we love. In line with all that, we made the decision to use cloth diapers years before we even planned on having children. I remember vowing that if we ever did have kids, we would opt to reduce our contribution to the landfills. I remember his skepticism. But what I love about Mike is his openness to new things. By the time we decided to start a family five years later, he was totally on board.
I read about cloth diapering via Erin Boyle’s blog back in 2017. It was the first time I considered an alternative to disposable diapers. I didn’t realize at the time that my siblings and I were all reared on loincloths wrapped around our bums, pinned with a clothespin. But cloth diapering has (thankfully) come a long way. Cities like the Big Apple can tout cloth diapering services wherein they pick up used cloths at your doorstep and launder them for you. But where we live has no such services. So it’s a godsend that Esembly created a diapering system that can be done at home.
The First Few Months of Diapering with Esembly
Of all the questions I’ve received as a new parent, I have not gotten as many inquiries as I have with cloth diapering. Moms all over the web are asking how it’s going. As if they couldn’t believe it could be done. But as my mom said when I showed her our Esembly diapers, “it’s as easy as cake!”. Esembly has gone above and beyond to take care of the logistics. “I wish we had something like this when you were a baby,” my mom said as she gleefully analyzed the thick, cotton inners in her hands.
To be honest, I had my doubts too. But let me tell you, I love using cloth diapers! It is just as easy as disposable diapers, but better for the environment. For the first few weeks, we solely used disposable diapers. We couldn’t use the high-waisted Esembly inners since it would rub the umbilical cord. It took 10 days to fall off. Because of this, we have something to compare Esembly to. Those who argue that cloth diapering is too much work is wrong. Yes, you need to wash the diapers, but you never will run out of them or have to dash to the store to get more.
Changing nappies are a breeze thanks to the button closures at the front. Multiple snaps make the diaper customizable to your growing child’s size. No wasted diapers that your baby outgrew. The outer fits snugly and keeps wet inners from soiling clothes. Yet the elastic band around the legs and waist make these comfortable to wear. Plus the outers have cute designs, to boot! We have six different outers and we can change them based on his outfit for the day.
How to Clean Esembly’s Cloth Diapers
People always ask, “What do you do with the soiled diapers?” You remove them and toss them directly into the Esembly diaper bag. Since Casey isn’t eating solids for now, there is no need to remove anything from the nappies. Poop, pee, nappy – all of it gets tossed into the bag. You don’t get your hands messy at all. The diaper bag, by the way, fits into this Dekor Diaper Pail pretty well in case you are searching for one. However, a pail isn’t necessary as you can hang the bag on a hook quite easily.
To clean, all we do is toss dirty diapers and bag into the wash. We use Esembly’s washing powder with their agitators (the best invention ever!) and run a normal cycle, followed by a heavy duty cycle. It takes 40-60 minutes to dry in the dryer and voila! If you wish to reduce your footprint even more, laying them under the sun works wonders. It actually results in a neater looking nappy.
To my surprise, the inners haven’t stained one bit. They haven’t shrunk in the wash and they don’t stink. They haven’t caused diaper rash (whereas the disposables started to) which goes to show how nice they are for your baby’s bottom. They store nicely in a basket on our changing cart, and take up less room than a box of disposable diapers.
Some Caveats
To be completely transparent, there are a few caveats. We bought the fewest amount of inners and outers needed to sustain us. We have 21 inners and 6 outers. To be honest, I think we could have survived with 3 outers. Meanwhile, 21 inners could have been 24. Minor changes aside, one caveat is that no matter how many you buy, you have to do laundry every 2-3 days. For us, 2 days seems to be the number. Of course, not everyone has the time. Balancing laundry amongst other chores and working full-time is a difficult feat. The privilege of having job flexibility cannot be ignored.
Second, it is an investment. We bought the diaper system, agitators, wash powder, and diaper bag. We were gifted 3 inners and one outer. We nabbed the rest during a sale. (Check out their clearance section for awesome deals on outers.) The total cost was $250. I would recommend adding it to your baby registry if you want to save money. For the curious, this is my curated baby registry list.
Lastly, Esembly works for most situations. Whether you are at home or away, it isn’t much different from disposable diapers. However, the cloth diapers aren’t as absorbent as disposables. Meaning, if you want your baby to sleep through the night, using disposables in the evenings may be better. Likewise, if you’ll be out of the house for a while with nary a changing table in site, then a disposable diaper will make your child more comfortable. There is always the option of purchasing overnight liners from Esembly which absorbs more. We opted not to go that route and still use disposable diapers part time.
Trying is Better Than Perfect
Let me be the first to say that we aren’t perfect, and Esembly isn’t either. But trying is better than being perfect, so don’t let the caveats stop you. Don’t let perfection get in the way of reducing your landfill contribution, even if its a little bit. Using Esembly half the time still reduces 3,000+ disposable diapers per baby! So give it a go. Their try-it kit is a great place to start.
Esembly is a partner brand for TheDebtist. I try to promote companies that I have tried and love. Whenever I choose to partner, I consider the ethics and values behind the company. This is no different. The thoughts and opinions in this post are mine own, as are the experiences. Thank you for supporting the brands that support my post.
Well, there we’ve done it. Our one month old has his first road trip under his belt. This past weekend, we trekked to Phoenix, Arizona to meet Casey’s uncle for the first time. It was also his uncle’s graduation from dental school. We used the occasion to test our tolerance for traveling with infants. Total trip time was 8 hours each way, including 2 hours of charging time for our Rivian EV. The charging time was divvied into two breaks, allowing us to feed, change and play with Casey. The verdict: Much easier with family around, adequate planning is a must, and staying minimalist helps reduce stress. I curated a road trip packing list for a one-month old infant, in case you don’t have the time to make one yourself.
Please note: This list is curated to our particular needs. For example, our hotel room provided a crib, which means we didn’t need to pack anything for our sleeping situation.( In case you are curious, we stayed with IHG this time around using points we earned from opening the IHG Premiere Rewards Credit Card a few months earlier. That’s the first step in planning ahead!) If your housing option did not provide a sleeping spot for your infant, a portable bassinet for a one month old will suffice. My favorite travel bassinet is Dock-A-Tot’s Kind Bassinet. It weights 5 pounds, folds flat into a box, and has a firm, quality mattress for your baby. I wrote my thoughts on it here. A pack-and-play works just as well but is much bulkier and heavier to carry. We own the Chico Alfa Lift Travel Playyard.
Product of the North Elkin Diaper Bag perfect for lugging essentials during site seeing. It comes with a changing pad which us all we needed to change diapers both in public restrooms and on the hotel bed
Crane Top Fill Humidifier – I did not pack a humidifier and instantly regretted it. Due to Arizona’s hot, dry weather, my infant’s skin shriveled up on the car ride there. I luckily was able to borrow a humidifier from my brother’s apartment, but I will bring ours the next time I visit!
Baby Clothes (2 outfits a day, plus pajamas at night). When packing, I like to bring layers so the outfits are customizable to the weather. I definitely brought a sun hat for the bright Arizona sun. I also prefer onesies as pajamas.
Diapers. We have Esembly diapers at home, but I recommend going with disposable diapers while traveling. There may not be frequent enough stops to address changing cloth diapers, and the laundry situation may be non-existent depending on where you stay.
Plenty of baby bottles and formula. If you breastfeed, consider a hand pump for the long car ride. Unless you want to stop for thirty minutes every two hours on your road trip, a hand-pump is a must! A hand pump is more portable and versatile than an electric one. You can discreetly pump in the back seat and then feed baby the breastmilk without taking him out of his car seat. Anything to shorten the trip is key! I brought the Medela hand pump and it was a life saver. I am excited to use this on the 12 hour plane ride to Japan in October. Leave the bulky electric pump at home.
If you don’t breastfeed: formula, bottles, and a bottle brush. Sterilizing musts: Dr. Brown’s sterilizer bags work well! Just pop them in a microwave at your hotel room and sterilize parts in less than two minutes! Bring paper towels to dry them. We also brought our Munchkin Pacifier Sterilizer. On-the-go sterilization for when we drop the paci.
Infants don’t require daily bathing at this age. We gave Casey a bath the night before we left, and just wiped him down with a washcloth dipped in water. However, we were only gone three days. For a longer trip, I recommend the Frida Soft Sink Baby Bath. We love ours! It fits in most sinks, dries quickly, and folds neatly into a small suitcase.
Toiletries. Diaper rash cream and moisturizing lotion is great. We didn’t bring ours but I wish I had because Arizona is just way too dry for his delicate newborn skin.
While this list seems long, this is all we needed.
I am currently reading the book Power Moms: How Executive Mothers Navigate Work and Life by Joann S. Lublin and it resonates with me really well. The book addresses the pervading dichotomy between mother and father societal expectations when it comes to parenting at home. I am comforted to see gender roles starting to blend more on the homefront, but this traditional “second-shift” still exists in many households and should not go unmentioned.
I, myself, delayed child-rearing after learning that the discrepancy between male and female salaries depend not on your gender, but rather, if you chose to have a child as a woman. A childless female makes comparable career moves up the social ladder but a mother does not. Because I took out a looming student loan, I knew when we married six months out of dental school that I did not want to impede my ability to make money and live my life. Now that we’ve set ourselves up financially and have financial freedom, I feel more ready and able to move forward.
Still, working moms need to have conversations with their significant others about expectations. If anything, as a courtesy to the other person. More importantly, as a team-effort to set both parents up for familial success. You may be surprised to learn that despite awareness around gender equality, the traditional roles are still discreetly embedded in everyday language and thereby everyday thinking. Even now, at a time when parenting roles are at their most equal, I got comments from people such as, “You’re not going to want to come back to work after becoming a mom”, “You’re leaving too early for your maternity leave” (I left 2.5 weeks before my due date), and one boss even cut my work a few weeks earlier than when I originally requested for my time off.
Not that I complained about any of it, because I’ve established financial independence from work either way. And I was quite looking forward to my maternity leave. But that’s kind of exactly my point. We should complain about it. Or at least bring it up with someone, somewhere. I would say, with significant others to start.
Look. You are a power mom. You work a career that you want to move up in. You have your own life, needs, and wants. You can make sacrifices, but in an equal manner. And let’s be totally clear. There is no TRUE equality when it comes to divvying up household responsibilities but at least have peace with what you end up doing. Having these conversations early allows time for adjustment. We started talking about stuff even before we became pregnant. Doing so provides a guideline for how to handle “problems” before they even happen. Both parents will be more prepared for rising challenges. The answers are by no means rigid, but its a starting place.
Questions Expecting Working Moms Should Ask
What roles is each parent responsible for at home? What chores do you like to do? What do you wish you didn’t have to do? Which ones can we divvy up evenly? For example, I love doing dishes, and Mike is great at cooking. His best quality in the kitchen is cutting and dicing, while I am particularly keen on stirring, frying, organizing ingredients and putting things away. He hates folding laundry, and I hate cat litter. He pulls the trashcan out every week, but I usually clean the bathroom stall. Find what you excel at, love to do, and try to volunteer for those first. As for the rest, find a way to share the task or get someone else to do it.
What is one way to organize family life? I bought a monthly calendar for our bedroom so we can keep track of appointments. You can also share a Google Drive which a friend of ours does, but I find that Mike never looks at it and then it’s just wasted effort. At least the monthly calendar in our room is in the hallway between the bed and the bathroom. Plenty of opportunity to pass it by both in the morning and at night. Another thing to consider is using to-doist or some other app to keep track of household chores that need to get done. As a team, make an effort to check off something from the list that could help lighten the load for the other person. A to-doist list could include making doctor appointments for the kids, picking up grocery items, or planning future events with the in-laws.
If the baby is sick, which one of us stays home? We have decided that it will be Mike as he can technically do his work remotely. He has actually been WFH since 2020. Because I see patients at the clinic, canceling my day of dentistry will affect way more people than him working from home. At the same time, we can call on grandparents to help support him while he works from home. As compromise, I promise to try to move patients around my schedule (perhaps skip lunch) so that I could have a shorter day and come home sooner to help him with our sick child. My office is also only 5 miles away, making it easy for me to jet home and help the family out. In comparison, his office is 28 miles away, which would make it more difficult if the roles were reversed.
Who cares about their career more? I think it’s fair to say that the person who cares about their career more should get first dibs on career moves. Mike LOVES his job. I like mine just fine, but I also dabble in other passions such as dog-sitting that I don’t think mine is as important to bend over backwards for. My career also has more flexibility in general, as I can pick up shifts at other offices, work at multiple offices as an associate or even open my own practice. When it comes to risking losing a job, I would give mine up in a heartbeat if it means Mike gets to keep his.
Who can have the most flexible schedule? The person with the more flexible schedule has more opportunity to help at home. It does not meet they have to bear the weight. But acknowledging the flexibility is a great starting point to setting boundaries or limitations to that flexibility.
Can we split time with baby at home? As someone who grew up with one stay-at-home parent and one always-away parent, I was very aware of the inequality of time allocation. My dad actually traveled a lot for work. He was gone a week at a time, meeting with clients in Asia. He also worked multiple jobs and did night and weekend shifts at Staples, Blockbuster, and Robinson’s May. It affected me a lot to always have one missing parent, so even when we got married, I told Mike that I prefer his jobs don’t take him away on travel. Growing up with that, I wanted to try my best to share our time with baby. Not only was it enough that I was home, but I want him to be home too. We are lucky in that we both have work flexibility. He plans to go into the office Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. I plan to go into a dental office Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Both of us will be home on Sundays. That gives us 4 days to be at home every week. Not everyone has this flexibility, although there are plenty of ways to make it work. For example, I know of a couple wherein the dad works night shifts and mom works day shifts. They take turns spending time and raising their two kids, even if it means they hardly see each other. To them, that was a priority.
How much money do we actually have to make?Where can we cut? You may be surprised to learn that post-baby’s birth, you don’t have the same desires as you once did. Those late nights at the bar, loud concerts, and constant travel may be a chapter in your life that ends. It isn’t a bad thing. But realizing where you can cut can actually alleviate or remove financial stress, which is what many parents struggle with. Figure out the amount of money you really need, then establish a way to achieve that goal while reallocating the other work hours you used to spend doing new things at home.
What will we do for an emergency fund? This should definitely be a question answered, as there will be emergencies. Knowing where the money will come from (whether that be from a savings account, from family and friends, from stocks, or by selling off something you own) will make it more seamless when you need money right away for an emergency.
How often will we do finance check ins? In our family, we do weekly budgeting meetings since we got married. Making sure your finances are squared away will make the family unit run so much more smoothly. We use YNAB as our budgeting tool and it is easy, efficient, and accessible to both of us.
How often will we do mental health check-ins? Role equality check-ins? I think once a quarter, we will voice our resentments, difficulties, and hopes. We also plan to re-evaluate our roles. Are the tasks we are doing at home equal? Is someone slipping on their duties? Is it a matter of needing to re-assign tasks or hire a third-party to outsource a task in order to prioritize other things?
What are ways in which we can get increased support shall we need it? Call on the grandparents to take shifts on weekdays? Ask for grandparents to do babysitting on weekends so we can do errands or go on a date night? Hire an au pair if the grandparents aren’t working out or if it is too heavy of a burden on them and us? Hire a part-time nanny or sign them up for daycare or pre-school?
What are things that rejuvenate you and your partner? When I see my partner struggling, I know that he either needs sleep, space, or time to himself. Things that rejuvenate him are music, whiling away on the phone or computer, video games, or the TV. I am quite the opposite. Things that rejuvenate me include working out, taking a shower, getting some sunlight either by walking or swimming, writing/journaling, or reading a book. But like him, I also need that space or time to myself to feel human. That being said, you need to find space in the schedule for you-time. For example, we’ve talked about carving out a few hours a week before or after work for our own sanity.
How often shall we make time for us? The all-important question. It was you two before any of this started. Make sure it’s still you two when it ends.
A Word on Modern Dads Pulling Their Weight At Home
I must say, I swell with pride when I see amazing dads take to the homefront more. There are a lot of you out there, and I see you. In fact, as of 2016, 17% of men are stay-at-home dads. One of our best friends recently decided to be the stay-at-home dad while his career-driven wife does the bread-winning. We have another friend who works-from-home and brings their baby daughter on his wife’s conference trips, since she travels a lot and works directly under the VP of the company. Because the entire family travels with her on these trips, his wife is still able to breast feed their 6+ month baby during conference breaks. Another father in our neighborhood is home with his son every day and takes him out on walks a few times a day. I’ve seen him diligently care for their boy while his wife goes into work.
My own dad became a work-from-home dad in 2008, thereby allowing my mom (who gave up her job in the 90’s in order to raise three children) to go back to work again. Today my dad preps my mom’s lunches for the day, walks the dog, and does household errands on his down-time from work. And now that I am on my own parenting journey, my own husband has been able to secure WFH every Tuesday and Friday, thereby allowing me to work at a dental office on Tuesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. I am excited to know that our son will be raised with both of his parents at home equally. But none of this would have happened if we did not talk about our expectations first!
Of all the hand-me-downs I received, this eco-friendly, collapsible play gym is my favorite. I love the story behind this play gym. It was gifted to me by a high-school best-friend whose two boys have outgrown it. She packed it in her luggage on a recent visit home, along with a bag of clothes which the boys have also outgrown. To forgo luggage space whilst traveling by plane with two children is a sacrifice. Going beyond that to lug it to me meant the world.
When I thanked her profusely for making the effort, she brushed me off gracefully. She even demonstrated how to put it back together. It took her less than a minute to reassemble it in my living room. No tools required! When in folded position, it’s easy to carry by the top bar. The gym slides nicely in a crevice between the couch and the wall. A perfect tiny space solution for a tiny person like me!
One might notice one of the dangling toys feature a green ribbon. This is a result of her husband accidentally stepping on the gym and breaking the wooden ring from which the toy originally hung. Instead of chucking the gym set because of the accident, she resourcefully remedied it in her own, simple way. Mike and I also made an addition to the gym set. In the middle we hung Mike’s cousin’s hand-made macrame planter. (His cousin also made a macrame paci-holder for baby which I adore.) With this play gym, it’s easy to add and subtract hangings from the bar. The legs on either side unscrew from the rod, allowing you to slip in more dangling points of interest.
This beautiful gym looks amazing in any space. It is light, portable, and easy to disassemble. Despite the light weight, it’s sturdy too! And the wood material looks minimal but feels luxe. Since we want to teach our baby about human impact on the environment, we prefer toys and books made with wood, cardboard, or paper over plastic. Our closest friends and family know this of us. We also did not list any toys or books on our curated, minimalist baby registry, which limited the amount we received. Another of our friends gifted us these wood toys by Gathre, and this local toy shop contains other great options for new parents who wish to be mindful over their toy selection too.
