Minimalism Makes Motherhood Easier

People ask how I am incorporating calm into motherhood. May I be the first to say, it isn’t easy. But I find that curation cures all, parenting included. Or at least, it facilitates a calm enough environment for thriving. The best thing I did pre-Casey was to become a minimalist. I didn’t know that my decision to declutter in my twenties and thirties would impact life when I finally had a kid. However, I now see that Marie Kondo still remains, to this day, the most influential personal development writer I have ever read. There is no denying that minimalism makes motherhood easier.

Choosing to live an intentional life means choosing what to spend life energy on. Sometimes, it requires me to make cuts that normal people would feel bad cutting out. It starts with decluttering things, sure. Some people have trouble with that alone. But eventually, it leads to cutting out social expectations, events, personal ego, and yes, even people. That’s where others draw the line at minimalism. But I go to the extreme. When it comes to the trade-off (my limited time and life energy), minimalism is the one thing I don’t compromise on. And it is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Minimalism Makes Motherhood Easier

There is no clutter in the house.

Less toys, less noise. Less noise, less stress. Many moms express that unfinished chores and tidying is a burden on their subconscious mind. It’s nice not to have that extra burden. It is also nice when the house feels like a sanctuary. I can actually relax when the baby sleeps. I like that it looks and feels like a spa waiting room. I think all moms deserve a beautiful and calm space to decompress.

There is less stuff to clean up.

Have you ever walked into a home with children and there are toys scattered everywhere? I have! I can’t imagine what those parents have to go through when it comes to tidying the space. How do they prepare for guests to arrive? Or clean the house? I am sure it takes time. That will never be us. Having only a handful of child-centric toys for Casey means we don’t have to clean things up all the time. They are gathered in specific locations rather than scattered around the entire house.

There are less things to organize.

I have seen videos of moms sorting through mountains of clothes. They have to figure out which ones are too big, too small, dirty, and clean. Laundry day means constantly sorting through which jammies to declutter, and which ones to save for the younger siblings. The same goes for toys and baby products. We only have the bare essentials when it comes to baby products. I even felt like my 10 newborn onesies were too much! As a newborn mom, I was saved from sorting through stuff. I was busy learning new things. Figuring out what to do with baby items should not be on the to-do list.

The calendar was clear of social obligations.

We did not acquiesce to ALL visitor requests. Saying no to loved ones is hard for some people to do. However, we made time for ourselves to enjoy our maternity and paternity leave. Mike and I went out for coffee dates, lunches, and walks almost every day. This was OUR time. So we made sure it was spent as a new family unit, doing things we wanted to do for ourselves. I felt no pressure to entertain more people than I wanted to. I will continue to be selective when it comes to social events that we say “yes” to.

There was no financial burden or stress.

Mike and I believe that hard-earned dollars should be spent on things that bring value. We trade our personal time and life energy to make money. It should never be wasted. We did not spend a lot of money on Casey. Part of that is because we did not acquire a lot of stuff. Minimalism naturally means you don’t need to spend as much money in general. But we also found most of our baby products, clothes and toys for FREE. This post lists all the items we DID NOT BUY for our baby. It baffles me when people say babies are expensive. They really are not. People just spend too much money on them.

There was time for myself.

The best thing about minimalism is that I have time for myself. This week alone, I attended four workout classes. Last month, I read seven books. I go on coffee dates with my sister and take baths in the evening. I paint my nails when I feel fancy. Simple things that I used to do before Casey, I can still do because minimalism frees up time in motherhood. I don’t have to do as much tidying, cleaning, organizing, or socializing. I don’t have to work as many days since we don’t spend as much money as other parents. I have more patience with my son because I am not burned out or exhausted while being a mom. I am in a positive place and have the energy during down-time or in the evenings to give to myself. And that is the most beautiful part of minimalism in motherhood.

Photo by Ellie Ellien on Unsplash

The Art of Time-Blocking for New Parents

Time-blocking the schedule is a strategy I learned before Casey was born. By adding blocks of time to the schedule for specific tasks to get done, you are setting boundaries in your day that allow for focus and efficiency. Pre-motherhood, I engaged in the practice of time-blocking in order to increase output. I used it to increase work-efficiency, as outlined in Cal Newport’s latest book “Slow Productivity”. Post-motherhood, I am time-blocking for my mental health. The art of time-blocking is an under-utilized strategy for new parents. But I think they can benefit greatly. Here is why every new parent should consider the art of time-blocking.

How My Schedule Changed When I Became a Mom

When Casey was born, I did not expect to accomplish all the things I used to. Rightly so, as I managed two side-hustles on top of a day job. But despite reducing my work load significantly and clearing my calendar, I still had trouble caring for Casey and getting stuff done. I quickly realized that babies need intermittent but immediate attention. While he took frequent naps, there was zero predictability as to when he would wake up and my free time would end. And once a baby was awake, they needed immediate attention.

In early motherhood, I found myself multi-tasking with frequent task interruption. This led to massive frustration. As a high-performer, I greatly dislike unfinished business. Unfinished tasks are like clutter, for the mind. Also, because my attention was being pulled in all directions, things were getting missed or forgotten. I struggled to get anything done!

Why Multitasking is Stressful

Our brains aren’t made to process more than one thing at a time. Studies have shown that the neurons in our brains are actually switching from task to task when we think we are multi-tasking. This constant switching of attention is costly in terms of energy.
Distractions slow down progress. It is better to work for five minutes straight with undivided attention than it is to stop half-way for a 30 second interruption.
Confusion is frustrating. Our brains will get over-whelmed when there are too many inputs to process. This can lead to confusion, which can lead to frustration.
Juggling tasks with childcare is dangerous. Babies need undivided attention. Something can go wrong in the blink of an eye. Since our brains aren’t REALLY multi-tasking, juggling tasks means we aren’t focusing on our babies when we are doing anything else.
Mistakes can be costly. We have an increased chance of making mistakes when we try to do too many things at once. In motherhood, the stakes are higher. A mistake can lead to a lot of stress and guilt!

Why Time-Blocking Works

Time-blocking avoids misdirected frustration and anger.

Sometimes, when we are trying to complete a task and the baby takes up too much of our attention, we can have misdirected feelings towards the baby. It isn’t the baby’s fault that you feel the need to complete the task. It isn’t their fault that they still need a lot of help at this age. Unfortunately, that misdirected anger really should be targeted at the limited time or resource that you have, rather than the task or the baby itself. It is up to you to time-block every task to have your focused attention. Not enough time in the day? Delegate tasks to other people. Declutter unnecessary tasks. Simplify what you need to accomplish. Ask for help.

Focused attention is more efficient than divided attention.

It can take me ten minutes of undivided attention to accomplish a task. With distractions, it will probably take me at least double the amount of time. Why? Our brains require time to switch from one task to another. It isn’t immediate. Sometimes, our brains need to reorient itself and pick back up a few steps back from where it left off. This results in re-doing what we have already spent time doing.

Children are taught healthy boundaries early on.

Another great thing about time-blocking is that you are modeling to your child how to set healthy boundaries around your time. A child may feel ignored if you are distracted all day. They will see you doing other things and will process that as not spending time with them. Practicing the art of time-blocking as a new parent means you get to explain to your child that for the next hour, it is just you and them. You are making room in your calendar to spend quality time with them. Then it will be time for you to do XYZ, and your child will have play-time. Setting these types of boundaries around the schedule teaches the child that they are important, but they are not the only thing in the world. It also teaches them to focus when they are doing tasks. And it helps them communicate with others how they want to spend their time when they are older.

We are in the present moment.

When we set aside dedicated time to be with our child, we are being fully present. My phone is on “Do Not Disturb” and in its docking station in the living room or my bedroom. I am enjoying every moment I have with him rather than thinking about what to do next. I am not upset about all the things I have to do later, or the things I didn’t finish. Why would I be? This time was already planned for and it is not getting “in the way” of anything else. I saved this time for my son.

Flow is more easily unlocked.

As a creative, accessing flow is super important in my work. Both in dentistry and writing, distractions lead to creative death. Time-blocking things such as writing is crucial to productivity. I have to set aside focused time when Casey is either asleep or with someone else.

A stronger parent-child relationship is accomplished.

There is no greater gift than undivided attention. Since time is the most limited resource we have, it is the most special thing we can give. We have the opportunity of forming stronger bonds with our kids when we spend quality time with them. For me, the moments when my parents gave us their undivided attention form my core memories.

What to Time-Block

Of course, there are many tricks to time-blocking. I highly recommend checking out my post on how to optimize timing in a day before you get started. This is because order matters. You want to align tasks with energy level, depending on your chronotype. Prioritize your tasks and put the hardest ones during the time of day when you have most energy. Then, I would recommend blocking out time for the following:

Visualization.
Planning the calendar.
Quality time with your child.
Household chores.
Creative work or WFH.
Administrative tasks like checking emails or making phone calls and appointments.
Breaks or rest.

Now I know some of you are thinking, “Time-blocking is impossible!” Maybe you are a stay-at-home mom, single parent, or have an extremely needy child. I get it. It takes resources to have your hands free-enough to time block. And sometimes we are limited on resources. But I believe time is the most limited resource of all. Yes, more than money! They say you spend 90% of all the time you will ever spend with your child in the first five years of their life. Then they will be off to school, sports, activities, college, work, and their own lives. So I say, find the resources!

Finding The Resources to Time-Block

Hire a nanny. In order to make sure you find the right one for your family, I made a list of interview questions for a great nanny you may want to consider.
Gather relatives. Ask grandparents to watch them for an hour a week. Ask siblings to take them out on outings.
Ask a neighbor. See if they can watch your kid for an hour, and then maybe you can trade off and watch their kid for another hour. Lean in on community. It would be great if you could befriend parents with kids similar in age to your child.
Unplug. Stop wasting what precious time you DO have on social media or online. In fact, go to your phone right now and look at your screen time. You may be surprised to realize that the “time you don’t have” has actually been there all along.
Have some fun activities that can engage your child’s focus for a certain amount of time. If you have an older kid, talk to them about the importance of concentration. Ask them kindly to read or play in their room so that you can make them a yummy dinner, or fold their clothes so they have something to wear. Better yet, try to engage them in the chores themselves. If you need to fold laundry and you have an older child, have them help you with the task. This way the task will be done sooner and this will leave you with more dedicated time for your child. Just make sure the help isn’t counter-productive.

Case of the Mondaze 04

We were supposed to go on a Santa Barbara trip over the weekend, but it was canceled due to rain. Which meant that instead of being surrounded by our friends on a Monday, Casey and I were stuck at home. Rainy days used to be my favorite thing! It facilitated many activities I loved such as drinking coffee, writing, reading books, and tidying the home. However, rainy days are the worst when it comes to parenthood and infants. Getting energy out of newly mobile humans is highly dependent on the outdoors. After they’ve explored the house once, it becomes a bore. Not yet old enough to use imagination or engage in focused tasks and activities, infants get frustrated early on in the day, leaving me wondering what there is left to do.

I pulled out all the stops before his morning nap. He already touched all his toys, read his books, and walked around the house. In the afternoon, I resorted to the genius idea of plopping him on his Doona Trike, killing 15 minutes zooming around the kitchen counter and dining table. It was dizzying. Perhaps the headrush was from my excitement at discovering a new distraction technique. Other activities he found enjoyable included terrorizing the cat, banging on the glass sliding door, crying his eyes out, and unpacking all the contents of my purse. This bought me maybe 45 minutes.

Minimalism Helps

One of the things that helps me on difficult parenting days such as these is keeping an extremely tidy and minimalist home. Most of my parenthood struggles begin with not having enough space for myself. By having less clutter in the home, I am reducing the signals entering my brain which gives me more space for thinking of ways to handle a frustrated and bored babe. In preparation for things such as rainy days, I make sure the home and calendar is clear of clutter, so I can focus my energy on the task at hand: managing meltdowns indoors!

I recommend decluttering spaces to everyone as it improved my mental health tremendously. If you wish to declutter as well, take a gander at this list of 100+ things to declutter for considerations.

Presence of Mind Also Helps

In the end, it turned out to be a really good day. Part of that was my commitment to presence. Having already cleared the calendar for our trip, there wasn’t anything to do but fully engage with my son. Another of my parenthood struggles is the stress that results from trying to do too many things at once. When I have a long list of things to do, being with my son feels like a pain. I feel resentment and frustration when he needs my attention because I feel as if my tasks are more important than his. After realizing this, I started to time-block my son. By creating boundaries around tasks and separating “Casey-time” from “Sam’s To-Do”, I reduce the stress in my day. More importantly, it prevents misdirected anger from happening. Keeping an intentional time-blocking practice good for our relationship and saves me a ton of time! Check out my top ten tips for saving time here.

I got the idea of writing about my days with Casey from another mum. You see, Mondays are OUR days. I get to spend all day with my son as I stay home from work. It is the only day I fully dedicate to him. As sad as it is to say, when I was dedicating my every day off to Casey, I couldn’t help but feel burned out and resentful. I had no days to recharge or reset. Eventually, Mike and I hired a nanny to buy ourselves personal time. But on Mondays, Casey has my full attention. I don’t get any chores done and I don’t make a to-do list. I’ll flutter around the house tidying up or take a shower during the occasional nap, but other than those slim (and getting slimmer) moments of silence, there is nothing else in my world. So it would be a shame to not remember these days that are honestly so special to Casey and I. Hence, this series. The Case of the Mondaze.

Personal Finance Books I’ve Read and Loved

They say your success will never amount to move than your personal development. This applies to everything in life, including financial success. As someone who grew up with little financial literacy, I can attest to this statement. The best thing I did in my mid-20’s and early-30’s as a woman drowning in debt was to learn everything I could about finance. While the internet is chalk-full of podcasts, blogs and general information, I have found comfort in books that summarized years worth of knowledge into tried-and-true actionable advice. Of course, curating media is important and a bit more of a pain with books since the investment of time is greater. In an effort to reduce wasting your precious time, I am sharing with you a list of personal finance books I’ve read and loved!

Personal Finance Books I’ve Read and Loved

Your Money and Your Life by Vicki Robins
You Are A Badass at Making Money by Jen Sincero
Think and Grow Rich by Napolean Hill
Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyasaki
The Simple Path to Wealth by JL Collins
The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas Stanley
The Elements of Investing by Charles Ellis
The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham

Personal Finance Books on the Reading List

Pathfinders by JL Collins
Set for Life by Scott Trench
Let My People Go Surfing by Yvon Chouinard
The Financial Diet by Chelsea Fagan
Pillars of Wealth by Davide Greene
Finance for the People by Paco De Leon

Photo by Kari Shea on Unsplash

5 Popular Must-See Attraction Sites to Visit in Kyoto

Kyoto, Japan is a very beautiful place. I have not found a city quite like it. We only had three days in Kyoto with a 5 month old baby, so we decided to focus our time on visiting some of the more popular attraction sites. Babies tend to slow travel down, so we had less time than you might expect. These five attraction sites not disappoint! Of course, there is something valuable in getting lost walking around the streets of Kyoto. But if time is limited, I would definitely recommend visiting THESE 5 must-see sites in Kyoto.

5 Popular Must-See Attraction Sites to Visit in Kyoto

Philosopher’s Path and Ginkaku-ji Temple

We went to walk the Philosopher’s Path on a rainy day. The weather made it look especially dreamy and surreal. Fog and mist hung over the neighboring water canal. Dew dripped from the leaves of surrounding trees and plants. Benches along the way provided the perfect resting spot and place to reflect. We had the place to ourselves, as few tourists ventured out in the rain.

I recommend starting at Nanzen-ji on the northern part of Higashiyama district and ending at Ginkaku-ji Temple. We loved visiting Ginkaku-ji Temple, as the mini trail meandered up to a beautiful view of the city. We did not pay to go inside the temples, but the surrounding garden was sight enough to see. Along the Philosopher’s Path, you will also find the famous pizza restaurant Monk!

Fushimi Inari Taisha

This temple is farther away from Kyoto proper but it was certainly worth the trek. It is the most unique temple we saw. Thousands of gates line the mountainside. LITERALLY THOUSANDS. Steps wind through the gates, until you reach the very top. This is a pretty steep trek, but we were able to do it carrying a baby and a stroller! Therefore I am sure this is doable for a wide range of activity levels. My recommendation for parents is to only bring a carrier and leave the stroller at home. But if that isn’t practical for the rest of your day’s plans, then you’ll just have to plan hiking with stroller in hand.

Halfway through, you will get a nice view of the city on a clear day. Near the peak is a small restaurant with a view as well. It is a spot to rest and refill with food and drink. It is worth it climbing to at least this spot. It isn’t much longer to the top after this point so if you have the energy go for it. But if you choose to turn around here, there isn’t much more to see.

The best times to view Fushimi Inari Taisha are in the early mornings or late evenings when there are fewer people. Be forewarned that this is a very popular attraction so it tends to get crowded during the day. At least most people don’t try to hike the entire mountain. Many don’t make it past a third of the gates. The hike definitely gets more peaceful towards the top. Keep your eyes peeled for the cats that live around these temples. And definitely avoid any monkeys.

Kiyomizu-Dera

This temple requires a trek up a very steep hill. However, once at the temple, there is a path specifically for disabled people, which is perfect for strollers as well. It goes around the perimeter of the temple but allows you to see all of it. This temple has rituals visitors can partake in, if you wish to experience it all. There is a beautiful view of the city at the top.

The location of this temple is perfect! After viewing the temple, walk down Ninenzaka and Sannenzaka streets. Then make your way to Ichin No Michi. There are many temples and shrines to see in this area. None are as famous as Kiyomizu-Dera, but if you pass by one or stumble across them then it wouldn’t hurt to walk in. We meandered all the way to Kodaiji Tenmangu temple. Please be aware of some of the alleys that are protected as historic sites and photography is not allowed.

Nishiki Market

We enjoyed walking up and down Nishiki Market. If you want to avoid crowds, go right when it opens. There was a throng of people within the first hour. This is definitely a foodie’s spot. There are many foods to try for low cost. And it was really cool to see the wares and market goods. We came hungry and prepared. However, this didn’t take us very long. The crowds eventually prompted us to move on.

Nijo-jo Castle

This vast samurai castle is a UNESCO heritage site. We went here because it was across the street of our hotel and super convenient to visit. Sprawling gardens and expansive buildings are superb. It was cool to see how samurais lived. But do be forewarned that this is a popular spot for tour groups. It will be busy throughout the day!

Other Sites I Wish I Had Time to See

There were so many other places we wanted to see! I will be pinning these sites for the future:

Arashiyama Bamboo Forest
Arashiyama Monkey Park Iwatayama
Kinkaku-ji Temple
Eikando Temple
Samurai Ninja Museum

It is also worth mentioning that Kyoto has some amazing coffee shops worth checking out. Here are ten coffee shops we fell in love with in Japan.

Top 10 Must Visit Coffee Shops in Japan

If you know us, you know our obsession with coffee. Our travels are DEFINITELY centered around visiting as many coffee shops as we can. We were excited about coffee shops in Japan in particular, especially after they were featured in Drift Magazine first edition. The Japanese are known for their pride in craftsmanship and attention to detail in everything they do. Coffee is no different. Perfectionism lies in each cup of black coffee, and they all have their spin to it. We certainly had a long list of shops to visit. But, to be honest, many hole-in-the-wall cafes that we stumbled upon were equally as good as those that made the list. So even though this list highlights our top ten must visit coffee shops in Japan, don’t shy away from walking around the neighborhood and popping into a kiosk or coffee stand. You won’t be disappointed.

Must Visit Coffee Shops in Japan

These are not listed in any order. If you want to see my ratings on these ten coffee shops, scroll to the very bottom of the post.

Mameya Coffee Kakeru (Tokyo)

Mameya Coffee Kakeru is what coffee is to fine dining. Reservations are required, but this is not something to miss! We made our reservations months in advance. This experience is like walking into a science lab, where baristas are wearing white coats. It’s a mixologist’s lair, with a bar to sit around. Engagement with your guide is a must, as they are a wealth of knowledge and information. We recommend trying one of their flights for the full experience. And taking home bags of beans so that you can prolong your Japan coffee journey when you’ve returned home. Just remember, you will be drinking a LOT of coffee. If you don’t, you are doing it wrong.

Wavy Coffee Roasters (Tokyo)

This co-working space is on the second floor of a tiny dried flower shop. We almost missed it, and were walking up and down the block until a kind lady at the flower shop asked if we were searching for coffee. That kind of is how it is in Japan. Things aren’t what they appear to be. Upstairs at the cafe, they pour everything by hand and have a large selection of beans to choose from! This was the first time coffee was served in a wine glass. I think I need to do that more often!

Shi-Ten Coffee (Tokyo)

Shi-Ten Coffee is one of those middle-of-nowhere coffee shops that you happen to walk upon. It sits next to another coffee shop so don’t confuse it for the other. The guy who owns it proudly makes your coffee with a smile. The cement interior and tiny stools make this a perfect spot to rest and relax. There isn’t much except a few magazines and potted plants. It gave me Melbourne vibes. And it’s good!

Single O Coffee (Tokyo)

Single O Coffee is a well-known name in the coffee world. It was quite a trek from Tokyo proper so only coffee loves who really know of them might journey this far. They are tucked away in a neighborhood and have very LA grunge vibes and branding. Don’t get me wrong when I say this, but the hype just wasn’t there for me. Perhaps because the coffee world expanded so much more since Single O first made it’s appearance on the map. The coffee was good, the offerings bleak and to spend your time trekking here does take time. If you do venture here, I would HIGHLY recommend walking through the park to Tokyo Sky Tree and doubling up on…

Unlimited Coffee Bar

Unlimited Coffee Bar was by far one of my favorite coffee shops. Its location right by the Tokyo Sky Tree makes it a worthy stop. There is a huge shopping mall at the base of Tokyo Sky Tree and a wonderful food court inside so that even if you don’t want to go to the very top of the tower, there is something to do in this area. It’s pretty cool to see they have a barista training program above the coffee shop, but I doubt foreigners could attend. This coffee shop has been awarded and recognized globally for making the best coffee cocktails. You have to try some from their bar. If you don’t drink alcohol, the cold brew with orange slices was so refreshing!

Direct Coffee (Kyoto)

Direct Coffee in Kyoto was Mike’s first pick. This hole in the wall gem is definitely worth a stop. They serve delicious sweets with the coffee. We didn’t even know that and jealously stared at the table next to us 😅

% Arabica (Kyoto)

This coffee shop is a new one to the coffee scene. They were mentioned in Sprudge’s list for 2023. Therefore it made sense that almost every single person walking around Kyoto was carrying one of their cups, demarcated by their “%” logo. The coffee was good, but not life-changing. However the branding was on point and they serve baguettes! They are conveniently located by the Gion District, a short walk from the famous Kiyamizudera temple.

Weekender’s Coffee (Kyoto)

This was my personal favorite spot. It is what I imagine a local coffee shop in Japan would be. Hidden in the back of a parking lot, the standing-only coffee spot is a dreamy space to start your day. A lone bench and few low walls provide the only seating underneath a canopy of trees. They serve espresso drinks and some mean pour-overs.

Lilo Coffee Roasters (Osaka)

A gold winner for pour-overs. They have a wide collection of beans (just as wild as Mameya!). I have tried a lot of coffee but this was the first time I got to try beans from China. They boast bright flavors, with unique tasting notes such as ginger and bubblegum. This is another great spot to buy beans to take home. The only thing is that they are all the way in Osaka. It wouldn’t make sense to travel to them if you weren’t planning to visit this area in the first place.

Leaves Cafe (Tokyo)

Leaves coffee, deserves their spot as one of Japan’s best for years. They share the space with a burger joint that slings EXCELLENT burgers. We ordered some and ate it in the small space upstairs (stairs are steep!). I know their bags of beans are pricey, but it is such good coffee!

My Top Ten Must Visit Coffee Shops in Japan Rated from #1 to #10

Mameya Coffee
Lilo Coffee
Unlimited Coffee Bar
Weekender’s Coffee
Leaves Cafe
Wavy Coffee
Single O
Direct Coffee
Shio-Ten
% Arabica

If you liked this post, you may also want to check out our favorite coffee shops in Mexico City!

Case of the Mondaze 03

Rainy Mondays are hard. Hard for a teething child, hard for a mother needing fresh air. I tried my best. It was, after all, his 9 month birthday. We spent the morning playing with his toys but by the first nap, he was already bored. So I tried to go on a park adventure! But the steering wheel was dripping wet. His socks got soggy. I’m pretty sure he caught a cold.

When I saw the neighbors walking their dogs, I thought, “GREAT! Let’s make use of the pause in rain.” By the time I packed him in his stroller, it was sprinkling again. He was covered in the plastic stroller cover, dry as a bone, as I walked briskly, my hands gripping the handlebars so tight so they wouldn’t shiver. I thought, “I definitely wore the wrong pair of shoes.” We stopped to take a picture at the bridge. He was grinning from ear to ear. At least I made his day by going outside. We’ll worry about the snot later.

Back at home, I pulled out a “birthday toy” which was really something I saved from Christmas. Now I know where the saying “save for a rainy day” came from (I think/prolly not). We had to do three naps because his fuse was short, as was mine. The snuggles were nice, until I set him down. He popped back up screaming every time. I succumbed to sitting on the rocking chair holding him while he snored, and I read a book in his dark room. When I get glasses in a few years, I will think of this moment. I couldn’t really see what I was highlighting and my other arm was numb. I was holding on ’til I could be relieved by my husband, who walked in the door with, “I think I’m getting sick.”

“Cool, but yoga starts in an hour so do you want dinner now or after?” I whipped up dinner, happy to be doing ANYTHING ELSE, then ducked to yoga. After refreshing my mind, I rushed home to make it back in time for his bedtime routine. No way I was gonna miss that!

The rainy day tested my patience and presence. It was very difficult; some days are. But I’ll look back on these little snippets of mediocre motherhood and think, “Oh, right. That’s the moment I lost my eyesight.”

Case of the Mondaze 02

Some days with your child aren’t particularly special. I comb through the events and think to myself, “nothing really happened”. I have to remind myself that this is solely from my perspective. To them, you are more than what you give credit yourself for. They don’t hear the voice in your head telling you, you aren’t enough.

In their eyes, you were more than the person who fed them and cleaned up their mess. The pillar that supported them as they crawled up the stairs. The person who read them a bedtime story about a reliant mother bunny. You took them on a stroll outside, and flung them on the swing at the park. You were the imaginary car seat so they were tall enough to spin the steering wheel. Like cardboard, they sat on you as they slid down the slide. No static shock because of your sacrifice.

They met friends because you met mothers. You helped them find the bootie they lost, they watched you pick up the mail. Played peek-a-boo and chase. Danced in circles to the music, while laughing. They got to rock-climb the dresser because you kept the drawers shut. And create waves in the tub without worrying about drowning spills. They stood and fell, scooted and bonked their head, but they were also always picked back up and reminded the world isn’t such a scary place so that they got to sleep just fine.

These all seem like such ordinary events. But I think back to my childhood. And sometimes, the best part of my days were being woken up at 6am and seeing my dad off to work at the train station because I knew if I didn’t, I wouldn’t see him at all. Of the thousand microevents that happened today, Casey probably thinks the best part was picking up mail. But at least, I was there.

As a parent, it seems like you throw pitches and hope one sticks. You make a million memories and hope one becomes a core one. You teach a thousand lessons and pray he hears a tail-end of one. But I have to remind myself that it’s the sum of all the parts. That every invisible bit of effort you place counts. I wouldn’t have wanted to go to the train station to see my dad off if it weren’t for the Barbie play dates, the Legos, the boardgames, the silly dance contests, the singing performances, and all else that made him a dad before I went to school.

And if one day, I can’t remember what exactly I did on those Mondays off with Casey, at least I have these case files to revisit. Proof that there was something more to boring old parenthood. And reasons why he could love you.