You Don’t Need to Be Debt-Free to Be Financially Independent

I wanted to put this on here for anyone who needed to hear it as part of my “more-hope” campaign for 2024. I learned this later in life, which I think is normal in that financial independence has its stages. However, I wish I learned it sooner. When I was in my late twenties and newly graduated from dental school with nary a drop of financial literacy to my name, I thought that being financially independent meant you never had to work a day in your life ever again. Over time, my perspective matured. I now know that you don’t need to be debt-free to be financially independent. I now define financial independence as separating your life from needing to work in order to make money to support your lifestyle. Which means you can actually be financially independent at a younger age, making life decisions without worrying about making money.

When did I change my mind?

I didn’t learn that I could reach FI (financial independence) before paying off my student debt until I did the unthinkable: I quit a job I hated without plans to work again in the near future. I was able to do this by increasing my savings to the point where I had the “FU money” to walk away. At the time, I had mastered control over my budget using an online budgeting tool called YNAB. I still use YNAB to this day and now have enough savings to buy my husband and I 1.5 years of non-work while keeping all our current monthly payments including our house mortgage. You can learn to set up your own budgeting tool with my free course as well.

After I quit my job, I realized the world didn’t fall apart. I didn’t need to look for another job as people came clamoring over, asking me to return to the workforce in all sorts of fields. Surprisingly, other people don’t seem comfortable with the idea that I could get off the hook and not work. I had to set my boundaries and limitations when I did end up re-entering. And guess what? They honored all of it! When I asked for less days, they gave it to me. When I asked for more pay, they gave it to me. When I asked to work from home, they gave it to me. By quitting my job, I had full autonomy of my life. And my life became 100% better, because it was genuinely about what I wanted. My wealth continued to grow even though I was working 2 days a week at the time. Since quitting a job I hated, we sold our first home, and bought two more homes, leveling up each time. We now own a house that is double the home value of our first. We tripled our retirement account bucket. And our savings sky-rocketed.

Cash on hand buys freedom.

At the same time, I saved enough money to pay off my whopping student debt by the time debt repayment resumed at the end of 2022, 7 years after graduation just like I planned. I chose to keep the debt because I learned in the last few years that having cash on hand is what buys us our financial independence. At the same time, our cash savings is earning us 5.5% interest in our Marcus High Yield Savings Account (my readers get an additional 1% APY bonus if they sign up through my link here). (I recommend a HYSA for everyone’s emergency fund BTW!) And with the new SAVE plan for student loans, we are actually making money by holding on to it!

Today, we have enough accessible savings to be able to walk away from both our jobs and live 2 years while keeping our current expenses such as our house mortgage. If we got rid of everything along with our jobs (aka sold our homes and cars but keep our retirement accounts and investments), we could travel the world for more than five years without ever needing to earn money or changing our spending habits. At the same time, our retirement assets will continue to grow even if we don’t make contributions to it. Because I don’t predict we would NEVER return to the workforce, what I now define as financial independence is the space to not worry about job security. The margin that savings can provide makes a huge impact in our lives. I also don’t predict we would both lose our jobs at the same time. However, we may both choose to walk away to take Casey on a grand adventure around the world before he starts school!

I would like to attest to the fact that we are by no means special. Anyone can achieve enough financial independence to walk away from a toxic work environment. By choosing to live intentionally, you can spend on the things that add value and skip on those that don’t (surprisingly a long list!). Start by budgeting out your spending to plan ahead. Then save the rest in a high yield savings account. If you have a big dream (such as switch careers, pursue a passion, travel the world, or start a family) but have been too afraid to voice it because it might be too big, this is the year to face it head on! With a little bit of work, you too could reach FI sooner than you once thought.

Free Baby and Me Activities in Rancho Mission Viejo

When it comes to spending time with Casey, I have a need to be doing things with him. I am a downright doer. It was always hard for me to just hold him in my arms when he was a newborn. Having suffered from a bit of PPD, I learned early on that I needed to schedule at least one activity a day during my maternity leave that got me out of the house. We tried the whole relax-and-relish bit and it did not turn out well. By day three, I was in full panic mode, tearfully asking Mike to please get me out to see the sunlight at least once a day. So I have come to find different baby and me activities in my area! Of course, they are all FREE! I wanted to share with moms who may also be itching to adventure with their little ones. These activities are specific to my neighborhood, but I am sure similar programs exist elsewhere.

Free Baby and Me Activities in Rancho Mission Viejo

  1. Swim Classes at Evolve Swim Academy (until 7 months old). If you don’t mind getting in the pool yourself, take your baby to the swim academy. Introduce them to water. They learn skills such as laying on their back so that they aren’t afraid when water gets in their ears. Got a baby that is afraid of the bath? Maybe exposure to a big pool will help them fall in love with the water!
  2. Swimming at the local pools. Not a fan of classes? Take them to a local pool. We started taking Casey to the pool when he was 3 months old. I remember the first time we went. He looked confused and unsure. He didn’t cry, but he also didn’t move much. By five months, he loved to kick and splash in the water!
  3. Gym classes at Sweet Pea Gymnastics (until 12 months old). Have an active baby? Get the wiggles out at a gymnastics class! We just started taking Casey there and I wish I took them sooner. Surrounding him with kids his age who are developmentally 1-2 steps ahead has been wonderful. He watches baby crawl, climb, balance, and walk, and then copies what they are doing. His development sky-rocketed in the last few weeks. I signed up for three classes a week with him.
  4. Volunteer at a local farm. I used to volunteer at our neighborhood farm, but stopped when I got pregnant because I was told not to dig around the dirt too much for fear of getting an infection. Now that Casey is 8 months old, I want to start taking him to the farm as well. He can do simple tasks like water the garden bed or just sit in my carrier while I prune some trees.
  5. Pick fruit from the groves. We have rows of trees that produces avocadoes, lemons, limes, kumquats, and oranges. They line the streets in my neighborhood, and it is a community activity to pick some in the winter time. We took Casey to pick his first orange. At first, he was confused as to why we were having him hold onto an orange, but after one came off, he started reaching for more!
  6. Play at the local parks. There are so many parks in our neighborhood. I love taking Casey to a different one every day so he can discover different things to do. Currently, he loves the steering wheel, swings, and activity tables. We haven’t even come close to discovering all of them!
  7. Go on a hike. Hiking trails abound in our area. We thought we would hike more with Casey but since he is so heavy, we haven’t really gone. One of my goals for 2024 is to take him outdoors in nature more often and hike.
  8. Take a walk and window shop downtown. We have a lot of shopping areas near us. Downtown beach strips abound in South OC and are my favorite. Taking Casey on a walk in a stroller in one of these areas is always fun. I never buy anything, but he has a lot to look at on these walks!
  9. Check out books at the library. (This is technically cheating because the library is over the hill at Ladera Ranch.) I take Casey to the library that I used to volunteer at when I was 13 years old. The librarian still recognizes me! He loves to pull books off the shelves and read them on the floor while I pick and choose a few to take home. 50 is the maximum, so we go all out!

I am sure the list will grow as we discover more things. But as he nears 1 years old, I just wanted to jot down our favorites during babyhood. Definitely look around your neighborhood as some bigger cities offer much more!

Case of the Mondaze 01

I got the idea of writing about my days with Casey from another mum. You see, Mondays are OUR days. I get to spend all day with my son as I stay home from work. It is the only day I fully dedicate to him. As sad as it is to say, when I was dedicating my every day off to Casey, I couldn’t help but feel burned out and resentful. I had no days to recharge or reset. Eventually, Mike and I hired a nanny to buy ourselves personal time. But on Mondays, Casey has my full attention. I don’t get any chores done and I don’t make a to-do list. I’ll flutter around the house tidying up or take a shower during the occasional nap, but other than those slim (and getting slimmer) moments of silence, there is nothing else in my world. So it would be a shame to not remember these days that are honestly so special to Casey and I. Hence, this series. The Case of the Mondaze.

New Year’s Day! Mike and I returned from a weekend getaway trip – our first trip without our son. How was it being away? AMAZING! It helped that we had nothing to worry about. He was in the happy hands of my parents who were excited to have their first of potentially many sleepovers. We had a wonderful time alone celebrating our 7 year anniversary. Too wonderful in fact, that as we turned into the driveway of our home, I realized that I forgot one thing – Yupp! That we were supposed to pick up our son from grandma and grandpa! To be honest, there were moments when I forgot I had a son during the weekend. I kinda hope for more of these trips with Mikey.

Today was a simple day with Casey and Mike. A good start to the New Year which I hope contains many more adventures with my boys. Casey was in a great mood when we picked him up, having spent the weekend with the most attentive people ever who probably served him everything he wanted on a golden platter. He took a fat nap which allowed Mike and I to meal prep and eat lunch. In the afternoon, we went to the park at Esencia Green, Casey’s favorite. He pretend-drove on the steering wheel, we flung him around on the swing, spun his brains out on the merry-go-round, and played with the activity table underneath the slide. He picked his first orange on the groves today, too. The orange wasn’t ripe, but it was there for the taking anyway – at the perfect height for his Doona trike, our favorite gift from the holidays!

We went home thinking he would nap, but instead he whiled away on the activity walker, and resisted sleep. Mike made him banana pancakes and mashed sweet potato. We thought it’d be fun to also try raspberries and a trunk of a banana. Casey didn’t think it was fun, as he threw up all over my rug in protest. Too chunky! So we cleansed his palette with applesauce, which he gulped so fast.

Our day ended with the usual bath routine, and the continual attempt at climbing the crib and dresser. I should probably commemorate that my 8 month-old is wearing 18-month clothes now. Which makes me wonder, WHO decides what constitutes as 18-month clothes? As well as, Where did my giant son come from? Surely not from me.

End of Year Reflections 2023

The end of the year has crept upon me in a way that hasn’t happened since the pandemic. How can it be Christmas Eve tomorrow? I just barely wrapped the presents! Sitting here wondering where the time went, I realize that my life recently has been filled with distractions. Phone scrolling, online shopping (which looks a lot like window shopping these days), signing up for events and get-togethers I don’t really care about – this is what my life looks like of late. No wonder I didn’t see the days dwindling down. My mind isn’t even HERE.

The pace of life has undoubtedly picked up, not just for me but for everyone else, too. As the New Year rolls around, I have made a promise to live with intention (again!) . Dock the phone, say no, delete social media, reduce the work load and other tactics of ridding distractions. At the same time, I am making a choice to pivot from 2023. At the beginning of this year, I made the announcement online that we were expecting big changes. And I decided to leave everything open ended. But to live with intention requires steadfast focus. I am ready to become me again and grab life by the reigns. And I want to teach my son that by choosing to be intentional, we can create a wonderful life.

Reflecting on this year, I realize that leaving things open-ended may have helped me adjust physically, but it wasn’t good for my mental health. My life turned towards sloth activities that weren’t feeding my soul. And I think somewhere in the back of my mind, that nagged at me. At the same time, I wish I did less of what didn’t add value to my life. I would describe my first part of motherhood as being lost, and I was saying yes to everything without thinking. So I am spending the next few days making lists for 2024. I am putting away the phone and clearing my agenda. I am creating the next year to be Casey’s best one yet. And maybe mine, too.

Stay tuned for the list. And Merry Christmas!

Finding the Good with 3 Good Things

This post was sponsored by Good Memories, a company founded by two parents who honed in on the simple things in life after they had their first child in 2020. They recently published their 3 Good Things journal as an analog guide for others who wish to form better memories. They reached out to me to give their book a try. This is my honest review.

We all need a little more good these days. In a world rank with anxiety and worry, we can easily get lost inside our own heads. I know I do. As a new mum, I’ve been riding a roller coaster of the best days of my life riddled with the worst days of my life. Searching for gems requires work. But since I want my time with Casey to be commemorated by core memories that are good, I make the effort. 3 Good Things is a journal that rewires the brain to solidify the good moments through gratitude.

The practice of gratitude journaling is not new to me. For years, my planners facilitated taking note of blessings. But I have never done much more than list three things I am grateful for. Like any other habit done without intention, the practice didn’t exactly change my life for the better. At most, I was taken away from my daily ills for a few seconds. I was alleviated until I closed my planner and moved on with life. So when 3 Good Things came along asking if I wanted to try their journal for a more intentional practice, I didn’t have high expectations. But I was wrong. This journal changed the way my mind is processing gratitude and actually making my life happier. Finally, a gratitude journaling practice that works!

3 Good Things

There are more than 3 good things that happen in a day. But when I started using this journal, there were days that took me quite a few minutes to pull up just three. In an ordinary day, non-ordinary things happen, most of them good. But why do we not realize it? Most of the time, it’s because our minds aren’t present even when our bodies are. Partially, it’s also because we remember the bad things way more easily than the good things. This is a result of evolutionary hard-wiring that naturally selected for humans who could learn from bad experiences in order to avoid the dangers of the world. I mean, you are here in existence after all. Don’t beat yourself too much over it.

3 Good Things does something unique that no other journal has done before. For each gratitude you list, it asks you WHY you are grateful for it. Yes, this leads to more writing. Yes, you have the time. Just do it. It seems silly to me now that I used to write things such as “Grateful for this morning’s coffee.” But where did writing that down lead me? More coffee, I suppose. But WHY was I grateful for this morning’s coffee?

I am grateful that I developed a ritual that intentionally resets my mind each morning as I prepare a meticulous cup of delicious brew. I am grateful for the bag of beans we have from that third wave coffee shop which we got to visit as a family over the weekend. We had a date morning there. That was a really fun morning and I cherish our coffee dates. I am grateful for the few moments of silence and alone time I had this morning, because my baby slept in, or because my husband took care of my baby so that I could relax. What I am really grateful for is the opportunity to have peace and quiet so that I could have the energy to give to my family later on in the day. That happened because my family knows that I cherish these moments and makes the space for me.

By answering Why, I realized that there was a lot more to what I was grateful for. I uncovered themes such as peace, security, comfort, family, love – these are the true things I am grateful for. How have I never seen it before? Now that I know, my mind is more present and picks up on those subtleties. The weather was beautiful, but really I am grateful for being outside which meant I wasn’t inside working. I have the ability to create a work schedule that is well balanced with my personal life. Also, I can go on a walk outdoors because of where we live which is why I was able to enjoy the weather. On yesterday’s walk, I stopped multiple times – to watch a bird soar, to feel the sun on my back, to sit on a park bench, to feel the chill in the air, to look for animals in the ravine, to study the blue mountains… to explain to Casey “follow the hills home”. A month ago, I would just write in my planner “Beautiful weather” and shut the book.

Something, too, is oddly happening that I didn’t expect. My bank of positive memories is growing. So many days of my parenthood journey blur together. It’s something no parent wants. I had forgotten the little moments that made us laugh. I remember the not so good stuff (thanks to my brain’s hard-wiring). But the daily stuff that was good but non-threatening-so-my-brain-doesn’t-register was slipping away from me. I know that future me would be sad if I couldn’t recall the daily joys in Casey’s teenhood. However, gratitude journaling with 3 Good Things is forming positive memories. How?

By meditating on the good, I am training my mind to remember. By asking “Why?”, my brain is gaining understanding. I am overcoming my negative thought patterns and replacing them with good ones. By enhancing self-awareness and seeing the good in the world around me, I am discovering the moments that make life meaningful. Plus, I have a collection of pages that remind me what those things are.

After using 3 Good Things Journal for a few weeks, I am now flowing at the end of the day with a plethora of things to jot down. The journal is transforming me from having gratitude to being grateful. It’s truly a remarkable result for a practice that has been in existence for years. I highly recommend giving it a shot in the New Year.

How To Manage Holiday Gifts for Infants as a Minimalist

The responsibility of managing our children’s environment lands on us parents. As minimalist versions of that, we have the extra challenge of defending our value of owning less stuff in a consumerist world. This becomes difficult as the holidays approach, wherein gifts are a core part of the tradition.

A previous version of myself would have ousted the people in my life who didn’t coincide with my beliefs in the name of “boundaries”, but I have thankfully grown since and learned that while I can control myself and my surroundings, I should never control people. Instead, I have learned that overluxuriance has a place in my minimalist world thanks to the magic of acceptance and love.

Still, my body is tingling with anxiety as I see the number of presents under the tree after ONE family gathering. (Three more to go). As I stare at our tree thinking, “How did it come to this?”, I take a deep breath. I smile, remembering the number of hands that held Casey at out recent get together. He is loved. That’s really what matters. Letting go of control, I move on.

So how does a minimalist manage holiday gifts for infants and kids?

  1. Manage expectations. It is best to have a conversation around gift-giving early. In the past, I wrote a no gifting letter. It was one of the best letters I ever sent because it set up the precedent for our family. You may be surprised at the number of people who welcome non-gifting as a new tradition! However, don’t be offended by those who resist. Remember that for some, gifts are a love language. And to take that away from them wouldn’t be fair either.
  2. Limit the gifts opened. At this age, you can control the number of gifts that your infant child opens. Grandma and Grandpa may be excited to see your baby grasp at wrapping paper. But they don’t have to open all their gifts in front of everyone. I mean, imagine how long that takes? A great way to reframe for others is to say that you value spending quality time with the family over gifts.
  3. Do not hype up the act of gift-opening. Instead of expressing extreme excitement over gifts, talk about them in a calm manner. Instead of counting down the days until we open presents, celebrate the season with an advent calendar. Lastly, rather than keeping the presents under the tree since Thanksgiving, maybe set them out a week or two before the holiday.
  4. Put away some toys for a rainy day. We got this advice from Mike’s mom. She used to hold back some of the kid’s toys, and then whip them out throughout the year as they get bored of their current ones. “It was a way of prolonging the season, and adding joy to throughout the entire year.”
  5. Be the guardian. Select which to keep. At the end of the day, they are still infants. The reality is that they won’t remember or understand what gift-opening is. Your decision making skills come in handy since, ultimately, you decide.

It bears repeating that we are the guardians of our homes. We control the influx of stuff that goes in them. Not that the goal of minimalism is to have the least amount possible. But, the art of knowing what is just right is an applaudable pursuit. In a world of excess, it is up to us to teach Baby Bear when things are just right.

Project Buy-Back-My-Time

There are two generally rare resources in this world: time and money. For the majority of my short life, I have prioritized the latter. That is, until I found financial independence. The person I am today would be unrecognizable to my former self. I have become the type of gal who pays for my time. And now that I am a mother, I have decided to hire a part-time nanny to regain some of it back.

As I age, time becomes an essence. It is rarer, shorter, and therefore more valuable. Project Buy-Back-My-Time is a mostly experimental season wherein I test how much value hiring a nanny adds to our lives. Since I am still the frugal person I once was, I have decided that offsetting the $25/hour price tag of a nanny with more valuable tasks justifies my decision. Now this doesn’t necessarily mean work more, earn more, or save more. This just means focusing my energy during those freed up hours on the essential things in life. So what will I do for Project Buy-Back-My-Time?

Project Buy-Back-My-Time Activities

  1. Take care of myself. Simple routines missed during the early months of motherhood such as cutting my nails, brushing my hair, putting on lotion, getting some shut eye require attention.
  2. Feed my soul. Reading, writing, and exercising are all habits that dropped when I went back to work after Casey. I’d like to say I prioritized sleep, but the sad truth was that I was wiling away on social media as my brain and body wilted under the strain of balancing work and life. I am excising this gross habit with the knowledge that I paid for this time as my fuel.
  3. Family management. A lot of organizing and planning got dropped once we became parents. Things that I used to do such as organizing get-togethers, keeping the house stocked, and finding activities to engage in were thrown out the window. Now I can finally keep up with the family calendar, avoid running out of basic household items, and keep us a bit more afloat at home.
  4. Tidy the home. The nanny helps a lot with keeping our space clean. She washes dishes, cleans the floors, and even does Casey’s laundry. But I also have the time to make things neat and tidy. I clean our bathrooms, freshen up the sheets, and organize the paperwork. All of which have been very much neglected these last few months.
  5. Connect with family and friends. I am finally checking in on the people that matter. I am also finally responding to my text messages!
  6. Plan Activities for Casey. The problem with being the active caregiver 100% of the time is that there is no space to improve, make adjustments, and plan for fun stuff. Not that going on walks, reading books, and being together isn’t fun. But now I have time to think of future vacations, look into extracurricular activities, scope out potential friends in the neighborhood, and research free local events. Because the caregiving is provided by someone else, I can focus on the fun stuff!
  7. Advance myself in my career. When Casey was two months old, I signed up for an Invisalign course and finally got licensed to be a provider. I had been thinking about it for years, but for some reason, giving birth to my son gave me the inspiration to take action. It changed the way I practiced dentistry for the better. My scope of practice expanded tremendously and I enjoy my job much more. I want to be the type of mother that exemplifies the growth mindset. Learning new skills will also help offset that nanny fee!
  8. Find ways to save money. I would say we have our finances all set up. We have automatic payments for bills, a budgeting protocol, and pay-yourself-first habits down pat. But let me tell you that despite all of this, I learned that saving money is still an active and intentional practice. We easily fell into mindless consumerism when life got busy and hard. Our survival mode had us spending needlessly. It takes time to think through a purchase. It requires mental energy to find creative solutions over quick ones It’s nice to finally be doing that again.
  9. Do nothing at all. Finally, the activity I struggle with the most. I am buying back the ability to do nothing at all. I have found that the passing of time depends on how I act. Time is a perceived reality, and when I am constantly going after a to-do list, my time passes ever so quickly. Likewise, my memory registers nothing when I am hurried. So I am practicing doing less, and sometimes doing nothing at all. I want to slow this phase of my life. I want to simply watch Casey develop with the nanny so that I can laser focus on him. I want to remember the way he registers how to balance his weight. Or to catch the flicker in his eye when he sees something new … to see those wheels turning in his head. As he absorbs the world around him, I want to absorb mine too. And I couldn’t do it when I was busy doing things. As much as we would like to think it can, our minds simply cannot process two things at the exact same time.

While the verdict is still out as to whether $25/hour is worth the help, my bias is definitely already decided. Obviously, because I wouldn’t have hired one in the first place. The challenge, however, is continually working towards making it truly worth it by doing the things that REALLY matter.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

My 2023 Activity Advent Calendar

This year, everyone in the family has an advent calendar to look forward to. Mike has an Espresso calendar from 19 Grams Coffee. Casey has a library book advent calendar created by yours truly. And I have my usual, if not overly optimistic, definitely free list of activities to do this advent season.

This tradition started five years ago when I published my first advent calendar online. At the time, the list was an attempt at slowing down. This year, it has quite the opposite effect. I am quite short on time now that I have a 7 month old to attend to. In order to do the calendar, I have to find the time. The purpose of the advent calendar has changed for me. This year, it symbolizes an intention to make memories during the holidays. I mean, it is better than whiling away on my phone.

My 2023 Activity Advent Calendar

  • Go on Casey’s first hike
  • Attend a holiday market
  • Make an ornament with Casey
  • Bake cookies
  • Spend some quiet time
  • Watch a holiday movie
  • Wear pajamas all day
  • See neighborhood lights
  • Read a Christmas book
  • Play a boardgame after dinner
  • Cook a warming soup or stew
  • Takeout at home and candlelight
  • Make pizza
  • Take a dip in the jacuzzi
  • Donate to a toy drive
  • Pick oranges from the grove and make orange juice
  • Turn up the records
  • Work on a puzzle
  • Declutter to make space for holiday gifts
  • Roast marshmallows at a bonfire pit
  • Take Casey to the Newport Boat Parade
  • Visit Santa
  • Since Christmas carols while Mike plays the piano
  • Make hot cocoa and take an evening stroll

Per usual, my advent calendar has no dates attached to it. This prevents the pressure of getting things done by a certain time. The holidays are busy and stressful enough as it is. Instead, this list is something to pull from when we have down-time. In previous years, I accomplish a majority of the items on it. If I don’t get to them all, that is quite alright too. The point isn’t to do more per se. Rather, to create the memories of your choosing.