It’s true. I find a lot of similarities between motherhood and running a business. Moms don’t get enough credit. After a year of being a mom, I realized that what I am essentially doing is managing a small business, without pay or recognition. Motherhood is humbling in that way. I am using the same skills I used when opening a bakery, building a dog-sitting clientele, and managing a team at the dental office. The tasks I have done since becoming a mom include visualization, systems creation, hiring and management of workers, task delegation, financial management and adjusting for shortcomings in order to hit our big picture goals. Sadly, while juggling my career as a dentist, I can’t help but feel like I am only being paid for half the week, doing essentially the same type of work. But the results are equally rewarding. So hurrah to all the moms out there who are being big-time-bosses for their families. I see, recognize, and applaud you.
The Similarities Between Motherhood and Running a Business
Visualization and Values
One of the best things I did was to visualize the type of family life I wanted us to have. It was like creating a business plan. Visualization addressed:
- Our Ideal Daily Routine
- Task and Responsibility Division
- Social Network and Help
- Financials and Budget
- Optimized Systems
- Career Effects
- Individuality versus Relationship Effects
In order to get clear on our ideal lifestyle, we also made a list of values to uphold. A few examples of values we made were:
- “Mike and I should always be on the same team”
- “When time is short, we prioritize family time”
- “We always eat dinner together as a family”
- “Neither career takes precedence over the other”
- “Our individual needs should not be sacrificed”
- “Family-centric lives are better than child-centric lives”
- “One parent should be home with Casey every day”.
You can even write a family mission statement and pin it to a wall. Having a set of values made it easier for us to make tough decisions during the stressful, sleep-deprived era of early parenthood. I constantly refer to our list, even now.
There’s that saying, “failing to prepare is preparing to fail”. So sit down with your team (whether that be family, friends, or other) before baby arrives and create your plan. Get clear on your values and expectations. Leave room for adjustments, and create back-up plans if motherhood doesn’t go exactly the way you think it will. (Newsflash: it won’t.) For me, that included a list of “Things Mike Can Force Me to Do If I Experience PPD”, “Ways I Can Relieve Stress if Baby is Overwhelming Me” or “Mantras to Repeat When Everything is Falling Apart”.
Creating Systems
Creating systems is what I am particularly good at. Specifically, I enjoy curation. If you can’t tell from my space, I like using minimal input to maximize output. Optimization gives me joy, and systems help optimize motherhood. There are many systems you can create in order to make parenthood more enjoyable. For example, Mike and I could spend 2-3 hours every weekend cleaning our home. We tried that at first! But if we are both working and alternating our days at home in order to always have one parent around for Casey (a value we made from the get-go), then we would miss out on 2-3 hours of the one day we are all home together as a family. Since family time is also a priority, we decided to leave all the cleaning to a house-cleaner. It took me three hirings to find the cleaner I liked at the price we loved. She comes once a month to deep clean the house for $150.
Other systems I created included a sleep schedule and feeding schedule for Casey. Automation of bills and ordering of house supplies was useful. We never used Amazon or Target Drive Up before, but utilizing modern convenience greatly increased the time available. Grocery list-making is a joint-effort via a running shared Apple List, and we go once a week. Systemize your family needs. It simplifies your family life and makes it more intentional.
Hiring People
Eventually, it came to be that we decided to off-load some of the burden to third-parties. I ended up hiring cleaners, a part-time nanny, and home improvement workers to do the tasks that did not fit in with our mission of focusing on family. We are at a point in our financial independence journey where time is a more valuable resource than money.
Of course, hiring people is another business skill. I didn’t just want to hire anyone. I had the following requirements:
- I envisioned that the people we hire eventually become part of family themselves.
- They were trust-worthy people who we can give access to our home without us around.
- They are self-sustaining and independent.
- The work is affordable.
- They take pride in their work.
- And most importantly for me, they have great communication skills and are timely. I run a tight ship in terms of schedules and I don’t like to micro-manage people but I do like to be informed.
As I mentioned previously, it took me three hirings to find the right cleaner. One advice I have is to never settle for less than what you expect. It is easy to go with the easiest or most available option as a parent, because you may be too tired to continually go through the hiring process. But it is worth it. Finding the right person will make a world of difference! Just like in a business, firing may be inconvenient in the short-term, but sub-par work makes the business suffer long-term.
There are many ways in which you can find the right person. For our nanny, we decided to go with an agency rather than a referral. Mostly because we wanted a third-party to be the responsible communicator between the nanny and ourselves should a conflict arise in those first few months. I also believed that it takes time to know whether a nanny is right for your family. I would say it takes a few months before they learn your expectations and before you learn their style. The agency has a replacement policy that we thought was worth the cost.
Working with an agency was a bit more work. I researched agencies first. Then I interviewed agency directors. They sent me nanny profiles that matched my requirements. We then did in-house interviews of nannies before we decided to hire. And even then, we had a week-long working interview, followed by a contract (that I wrote) signed by both parties. In the end, hiring a part-time nanny was life-changing and it was worth it to put this much effort.
For the household work, I used my social network to cast referrals. I did working interviews and evaluated them based on performance, communication and price. Negotiations are part of the hiring process. Please no do not feel like you have to go with the first option. There are always other alternatives.
Managing People
Managing people can be a bit tough, especially if you don’t have the practice. But it is essential! The hardest people to manage are family members. Telling them what to do isn’t favorable for anyone. At the end of the day, they are helping you, volunteering their time and skills. I find that having frequent in-person conversations with them is the best form of management for family members. Knowledge sharing is the most powerful form of persuasion, and communication the most important skill.
Other tips for managing people include:
- Address concerns right away. If you see something you don’t like, say it now. Be upfront and honest, without being rude. Instead of simply identifying the problem, give your reason why it is a problem for you, 2-3 potential solutions and the one solution that you think is best to implement. Then ask for their feedback.
- Be open to their way of doing things. Work together to come to an agreement on how things should be done. You are a new parent, after all. There were many things I was missing or didn’t know. By staying humble, I was able to learn from others who had the experience.
- Have clear expectations. For example, I told my nanny on the first day, “If anything goes wrong or you are unsure, ask me right away. Never be afraid to tell me something. I will not judge you or get mad. I just want to solve the issue ASAP.” I also have the expectation that all cancellations are made at least a day in advance barring sickness and everyone is punctual to their shift.
- Give equal parts constructive feedback and positive feedback.
- Treat everyone how you want to be treated. I treat them like a part of my family.
Delegating Tasks
I started delegating tasks even before Casey was born. I divvied up newborn parenting tasks based on who would perform them best or which ones we would be passionate about. For the first few weeks from childbirth, I made a list of “Ways in Which People Can Help” and assigned specific tasks to specific people in the family. Assign responsibilities early on. Curbing other team members’ expectations is part of the job. It may be best to let people choose the parts of parenthood they are passionate about. If they love the job, they’ll do great work.
Delegate tasks clearly to hired help. From the get-go, I knew I wanted a nanny that would do housework too. She does Casey’s laundry, stocks his room, cleans the floors, washes dishes and bottles, and cooks nutritious meals for our family. She sometimes does the grocery shopping herself, buying the ingredients for the meals she makes.
But the person I delegate the most tasks to is my husband. Not because I am bossy (he may say otherwise) but between the both of us, I am a better planner/instigator and he is the better executioner. If it were up to me, there would be a million half-finished ideas floating around. If it were up to him, there would be very few tasks done because no one would be initiating the task. It’s a team effort that works for us both. Now that we’ve been in the game for a little over a year, I don’t think there’s such a thing as truly equal parenthood when you itemize tasks. But as long as you work as a team with equal gusto and energy, it works out just fine!
Managing Financials
Then there are the financials. Visualize what the careers will look like after birth. Since I get paid zilch for my maternity leave as a contractor, I had to plan how to fund our full three months at home. I went over our current budget, extrapolating how much we would need to earn after mat leave in order to be “profitable” and continue growing our wealth. (Kids themselves aren’t expensive, but child-care costs can be). These are the financial moves we did as new parents.
I also had to juggle schedules around. Since Mike can WFH two days out of the week, I knew that I had to work as a dentist on those two days, and can offer my Saturdays as well. If I was going to cut on hours, I knew I had to increase daily production. So during mat leave, I gained a skill and certified myself in Invisalign. Motherhood pushes you in this way. Since having Casey, I’ve doubled my daily production rate, allowing me to work less hours while earning more money. I’ve worked seven years before having my first born, and nothing ever motivated me to improve my skills or advance my career like motherhood.
Recognizing Shortcomings
Just like running a small business, you want to make evaluations every so often. I may evaluate myself a little too often. Quarterly is good. My husband and I have quarterly check-ins. We go out to dinner and ask each other the following questions:
- How is parenthood for you so far?
- How is balancing career and parenting?
- What are the challenges you are facing?
- Where are my short-comings?
- What are ways in which I can help?
- How can we outsource some of the tasks in order to free up time?
- How are your personal goals?
- What are your personal goals in the upcoming months?
- How can we improve as a team?
- Where are we financially?
Of course there are a million other things to consider. But the act of checking-in alone keeps you and your significant other connected. It also requires both parties to put in the introspective work. And it gets rid of all the assumptions, biases, and guessing – which ultimately can lead to trouble.
Looking At the Big Picture
You might think it bleak that I approach motherhood as another business. But every family is different. And parenthood is tough. So approaching it in the way that works for you and your family, is really what is important here. Motherhood is equally as romantic and ten-fold more enjoyable when it is easy. And personifying it as a business makes it simpler. By utilizing the skills I already have, we have been able to get by the day-to-day without the drudgery. Mike and I can focus on the fun parts of parenthood – the parts that matter to us. We spend A LOT of time with Casey, each other, and our extended family. We kept space for our activities, like physical exercise, hobbies, travel and extracurriculars. By doing it this way, we did not sacrifice our values nor did our careers and personal goals suffer. It was the best way we could uphold our family-centric dream.
Speaking of my husband, you may also wonder why I am doing most of the management. While my husband, and honestly this particular generation of husbands, is extremely helpful with the child-rearing and the house-cleaning, he is non-active in the management side of the family. He is amazing at helping to carry tasks out, but at the macro-level, I am the one orchestrating the family flow. I would chalk it up to a difference in personalities, and nothing more. As I said earlier, it is healthiest to let people shine at what they do best, rather than forcing them to do things they don’t like. So while every family dynamics is different, what works for us is for me to delegate daily activities to him and leave the big picture thinking to myself. Simply because it is what each of us does best.
Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash
