I had just recently started feeling better after passing my first trimester with baby number two. The nausea is gone, and I am getting my energy back. For the few six months, I have been too fatigued to do much of what I used to. I traded writing for a few more winks of sleep before Casey woke up. I traded reading for gentle yoga classes before bed. And we hired a cleaner to do all the cleaning. But last week, I started to feel slightly more me. And I wanted to get back on the ball.

So I enlisted Mike to be my accountability buddy. We made a pact to wake up an hour earlier each day to give to ourselves. That means waking up at 5:30 am so I could write and so he could go to the gym or run. After a week of doing that, we both feel so much better! I have always loved mornings, and it feels good to reclaim mornings in motherhood. Actually, it feels especially important to do so. It gave me a way to give to myself before daily responsibilities asked of me. I took what I needed before tending to anyone else. Which ironically alloved me to give my all for the rest of the day. I highly recommend it to mamas everywhere.

So what do I do with my early mornings?

Well, I can tell you what I don’t do. All those responsibilities, just ignore them completely. There will be plenty of time to make that call to your mom. You can find time to fold laundry. The dinner will get made. The early mornings are for me. Gone are the days of side-hustling in the morning. Although if you are interested in that, I’ve written about all the ways I’ve made money before the day starts. It’s a reversion to slow, intentional early mornings for me.

Whether it be doing something I love, or relaxing into some peace and quiet. Each morning I make a nice cup of coffee. I either sit down to write or read. Sometimes, I just sit there and reflect with the kitchen sliding door open. I can hear the swallows stirring in their nests, and see the sun rise. Morning light seeps in allowing with the dewy air. Just having pure silence as a mom is a wonderful thing.

In life, I believe in seasons. This particular one is a balancing act. Refinement is a constant struggle, as I try to be a present parent, doting partner, understanding clinician, and a calm, relaxed pregnant lady. Some days it seems impossible, whereas other days wonderfully fall into place. All I can say is that reprieve in the early morning hours in motherhood makes a huge difference.

Photo by Tim Foster on Unsplash

The end of the year has crept upon me in a way that hasn’t happened since the pandemic. How can it be Christmas Eve tomorrow? I just barely wrapped the presents! Sitting here wondering where the time went, I realize that my life recently has been filled with distractions. Phone scrolling, online shopping (which looks a lot like window shopping these days), signing up for events and get-togethers I don’t really care about – this is what my life looks like of late. No wonder I didn’t see the days dwindling down. My mind isn’t even HERE.

The pace of life has undoubtedly picked up, not just for me but for everyone else, too. As the New Year rolls around, I have made a promise to live with intention (again!) . Dock the phone, say no, delete social media, reduce the work load and other tactics of ridding distractions. At the same time, I am making a choice to pivot from 2023. At the beginning of this year, I made the announcement online that we were expecting big changes. And I decided to leave everything open ended. But to live with intention requires steadfast focus. I am ready to become me again and grab life by the reigns. And I want to teach my son that by choosing to be intentional, we can create a wonderful life.

Reflecting on this year, I realize that leaving things open-ended may have helped me adjust physically, but it wasn’t good for my mental health. My life turned towards sloth activities that weren’t feeding my soul. And I think somewhere in the back of my mind, that nagged at me. At the same time, I wish I did less of what didn’t add value to my life. I would describe my first part of motherhood as being lost, and I was saying yes to everything without thinking. So I am spending the next few days making lists for 2024. I am putting away the phone and clearing my agenda. I am creating the next year to be Casey’s best one yet. And maybe mine, too.

Stay tuned for the list. And Merry Christmas!

This post was sponsored by Good Memories, a company founded by two parents who honed in on the simple things in life after they had their first child in 2020. They recently published their 3 Good Things journal as an analog guide for others who wish to form better memories. They reached out to me to give their book a try. This is my honest review.

We all need a little more good these days. In a world rank with anxiety and worry, we can easily get lost inside our own heads. I know I do. As a new mum, I’ve been riding a roller coaster of the best days of my life riddled with the worst days of my life. Searching for gems requires work. But since I want my time with Casey to be commemorated by core memories that are good, I make the effort. 3 Good Things is a journal that rewires the brain to solidify the good moments through gratitude.

The practice of gratitude journaling is not new to me. For years, my planners facilitated taking note of blessings. But I have never done much more than list three things I am grateful for. Like any other habit done without intention, the practice didn’t exactly change my life for the better. At most, I was taken away from my daily ills for a few seconds. I was alleviated until I closed my planner and moved on with life. So when 3 Good Things came along asking if I wanted to try their journal for a more intentional practice, I didn’t have high expectations. But I was wrong. This journal changed the way my mind is processing gratitude and actually making my life happier. Finally, a gratitude journaling practice that works!

3 Good Things

There are more than 3 good things that happen in a day. But when I started using this journal, there were days that took me quite a few minutes to pull up just three. In an ordinary day, non-ordinary things happen, most of them good. But why do we not realize it? Most of the time, it’s because our minds aren’t present even when our bodies are. Partially, it’s also because we remember the bad things way more easily than the good things. This is a result of evolutionary hard-wiring that naturally selected for humans who could learn from bad experiences in order to avoid the dangers of the world. I mean, you are here in existence after all. Don’t beat yourself too much over it.

3 Good Things does something unique that no other journal has done before. For each gratitude you list, it asks you WHY you are grateful for it. Yes, this leads to more writing. Yes, you have the time. Just do it. It seems silly to me now that I used to write things such as “Grateful for this morning’s coffee.” But where did writing that down lead me? More coffee, I suppose. But WHY was I grateful for this morning’s coffee?

I am grateful that I developed a ritual that intentionally resets my mind each morning as I prepare a meticulous cup of delicious brew. I am grateful for the bag of beans we have from that third wave coffee shop which we got to visit as a family over the weekend. We had a date morning there. That was a really fun morning and I cherish our coffee dates. I am grateful for the few moments of silence and alone time I had this morning, because my baby slept in, or because my husband took care of my baby so that I could relax. What I am really grateful for is the opportunity to have peace and quiet so that I could have the energy to give to my family later on in the day. That happened because my family knows that I cherish these moments and makes the space for me.

By answering Why, I realized that there was a lot more to what I was grateful for. I uncovered themes such as peace, security, comfort, family, love – these are the true things I am grateful for. How have I never seen it before? Now that I know, my mind is more present and picks up on those subtleties. The weather was beautiful, but really I am grateful for being outside which meant I wasn’t inside working. I have the ability to create a work schedule that is well balanced with my personal life. Also, I can go on a walk outdoors because of where we live which is why I was able to enjoy the weather. On yesterday’s walk, I stopped multiple times – to watch a bird soar, to feel the sun on my back, to sit on a park bench, to feel the chill in the air, to look for animals in the ravine, to study the blue mountains… to explain to Casey “follow the hills home”. A month ago, I would just write in my planner “Beautiful weather” and shut the book.

Something, too, is oddly happening that I didn’t expect. My bank of positive memories is growing. So many days of my parenthood journey blur together. It’s something no parent wants. I had forgotten the little moments that made us laugh. I remember the not so good stuff (thanks to my brain’s hard-wiring). But the daily stuff that was good but non-threatening-so-my-brain-doesn’t-register was slipping away from me. I know that future me would be sad if I couldn’t recall the daily joys in Casey’s teenhood. However, gratitude journaling with 3 Good Things is forming positive memories. How?

By meditating on the good, I am training my mind to remember. By asking “Why?”, my brain is gaining understanding. I am overcoming my negative thought patterns and replacing them with good ones. By enhancing self-awareness and seeing the good in the world around me, I am discovering the moments that make life meaningful. Plus, I have a collection of pages that remind me what those things are.

After using 3 Good Things Journal for a few weeks, I am now flowing at the end of the day with a plethora of things to jot down. The journal is transforming me from having gratitude to being grateful. It’s truly a remarkable result for a practice that has been in existence for years. I highly recommend giving it a shot in the New Year.

There are two generally rare resources in this world: time and money. For the majority of my short life, I have prioritized the latter. That is, until I found financial independence. The person I am today would be unrecognizable to my former self. I have become the type of gal who pays for my time. And now that I am a mother, I have decided to hire a part-time nanny to regain some of it back.

As I age, time becomes an essence. It is rarer, shorter, and therefore more valuable. Project Buy-Back-My-Time is a mostly experimental season wherein I test how much value hiring a nanny adds to our lives. Since I am still the frugal person I once was, I have decided that offsetting the $25/hour price tag of a nanny with more valuable tasks justifies my decision. Now this doesn’t necessarily mean work more, earn more, or save more. This just means focusing my energy during those freed up hours on the essential things in life. So what will I do for Project Buy-Back-My-Time?

Project Buy-Back-My-Time Activities

1. Take care of myself. Simple routines missed during the early months of motherhood such as cutting my nails, brushing my hair, putting on lotion, getting some shut eye require attention.
2. Feed my soul. Reading, writing, and exercising are all habits that dropped when I went back to work after Casey. I’d like to say I prioritized sleep, but the sad truth was that I was wiling away on social media as my brain and body wilted under the strain of balancing work and life. I am excising this gross habit with the knowledge that I paid for this time as my fuel.
3. Family management. A lot of organizing and planning got dropped once we became parents. Things that I used to do such as organizing get-togethers, keeping the house stocked, and finding activities to engage in were thrown out the window. Now I can finally keep up with the family calendar, avoid running out of basic household items, and keep us a bit more afloat at home.
4. Tidy the home. The nanny helps a lot with keeping our space clean. She washes dishes, cleans the floors, and even does Casey’s laundry. But I also have the time to make things neat and tidy. I clean our bathrooms, freshen up the sheets, and organize the paperwork. All of which have been very much neglected these last few months.
5. Connect with family and friends. I am finally checking in on the people that matter. I am also finally responding to my text messages!
6. Plan Activities for Casey. The problem with being the active caregiver 100% of the time is that there is no space to improve, make adjustments, and plan for fun stuff. Not that going on walks, reading books, and being together isn’t fun. But now I have time to think of future vacations, look into extracurricular activities, scope out potential friends in the neighborhood, and research free local events. Because the caregiving is provided by someone else, I can focus on the fun stuff!
7. Advance myself in my career. When Casey was two months old, I signed up for an Invisalign course and finally got licensed to be a provider. I had been thinking about it for years, but for some reason, giving birth to my son gave me the inspiration to take action. It changed the way I practiced dentistry for the better. My scope of practice expanded tremendously and I enjoy my job much more. I want to be the type of mother that exemplifies the growth mindset. Learning new skills will also help offset that nanny fee!
8. Find ways to save money. I would say we have our finances all set up. We have automatic payments for bills, a budgeting protocol, and pay-yourself-first habits down pat. But let me tell you that despite all of this, I learned that saving money is still an active and intentional practice. We easily fell into mindless consumerism when life got busy and hard. Our survival mode had us spending needlessly. It takes time to think through a purchase. It requires mental energy to find creative solutions over quick ones It’s nice to finally be doing that again.
9. Do nothing at all. Finally, the activity I struggle with the most. I am buying back the ability to do nothing at all. I have found that the passing of time depends on how I act. Time is a perceived reality, and when I am constantly going after a to-do list, my time passes ever so quickly. Likewise, my memory registers nothing when I am hurried. So I am practicing doing less, and sometimes doing nothing at all. I want to slow this phase of my life. I want to simply watch Casey develop with the nanny so that I can laser focus on him. I want to remember the way he registers how to balance his weight. Or to catch the flicker in his eye when he sees something new … to see those wheels turning in his head. As he absorbs the world around him, I want to absorb mine too. And I couldn’t do it when I was busy doing things. As much as we would like to think it can, our minds simply cannot process two things at the exact same time.

While the verdict is still out as to whether $25/hour is worth the help, my bias is definitely already decided. Obviously, because I wouldn’t have hired one in the first place. The challenge, however, is continually working towards making it truly worth it by doing the things that REALLY matter.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

It’s been a full week being a new mum. I’m still getting the hang of it, groggily looking to my equally tired husband for validation that we are sort-of doing something right. To be honest with you, how I want to spend my first Mother’s Day is quite homely. I have no desire for a crowded brunch with the grandparents, or gathering for a family get-together. Definitely not hoping to socialize or travel somewhere. I know this will change as my role evolves in the next year. But for now, it’s all about recovery.

It’s also about spending as much time with my main man and his handsome pops. I keep reminding myself, “out there is not where you need to be right now.” He will never be this small again. My husband gently reminds me to slow it down. Enjoy this time as it is. So I want to take heed this Mother’s Day. Be mindful and intentional. Here area few ways I want to spend mother’s day.

How I Want to Spend My First Mother’s Day

+ I want to sleep in.

+ I want a hand massage. If I am faring better, maybe a manicure, too.

+ I want decent pastries or delicious doughnuts, served in bed with a good latte.

+ If I can stomach it, maybe some sunlight and fresh air.

+ A good book in my lap.

+ A vase of farm flowers.

+ Newborn, husband, and cat snuggles.

I look forward to what I think this will look like in a year. More rest in tow, I would hope. Perhaps a brunch date with a sister or a spa day with my mum. I envision a beach day with my family, or a hike in the hills. Imagine a wine tour in Temecula, or cocktail hour in Spring. I’m sure it’ll look very different, but now is not the time. Right now, I am happy just being here.

Photo by Uliana Kopanytsia on Unsplash

The alternative title for this post was “What Newly Made Parents Really Want.” The answer to which is an SOS flag and the arrival of help. It doesn’t matter if these are first-time parents or ones well-versed in child-rearing. Every new set of parents need help. And I don’t mean help holding the baby.

I had a co-worker once tell me that her mom would come over and offer to take the baby from her hands. After a C-section delivery, she said, “What I needed at the time was not someone to hold my baby. I needed someone to cook dinner for my husband when I can’t get out of bed!”

Another girlfriend recently told me over coffee, “My mom kept offering to feed my baby, when that was something I was capable of doing. Meanwhile, the dishes in the sink had been piled up for days and the dog needed dinner!”

So I decided to offer a list of things that newly made parents might really want. Please don’t be offended if it’s not to share the first few moments of their newborn’s life with you. It’s okay if they don’t want to socialize, or go out, or entertain. Right now, they need you for other roles, most of which are frugal or free.

What Newly Made Parents Really Want

• Fresh sheets. When a recovering mother and a sleepless father can barely get out of bed, the last thing they’ll want to do is change the sheets and do the laundry. However, having spent all day lying down in said bed, a change of sheets would be heavenly. When we left for the hospital, my water had broken in the middle of the night so we had tossed the sheets into the hamper for later. We came home to a bed that needed making the evening we were allowed to go home. It’s like an adult’s bane of existence – being ready for bed and having to do the sheets. Now that we’ve been home three days, our sheets are ready for changing again. Recovering from a C -section means I am mostly bed-ridden. Then again, being a newborn parent means Mikey is mostly bed-ridden, too.

• A cake loaf, or sourdough bread and special jam. This could be an unpopular opinion but a buttered slice of sourdough in the wee hours of morning or a cake slice in the afternoon can be so rejuvenating! If you care to make it with love, here are a few recipes to try: Lemon Poppyseed Loaf, Chocolate Chip Walnut Banana Bread or My Sourdough Bread Recipe. Although I’m sure take-out from a local bakery would be just as endearing. Mike and I found ourselves exhausted on the second morning back from the hostpital. His dad wanted to see baby at 9am but Mike had just hopped into bed at 6:30am, after staying up three hours with our little one so I could get some shut-eye. I called his dad saying we were lagging behind for breakfast. So he went to a nearby cafe and brought over breakfast burritos and cinnamon rolls, which was a life saver!

• Housekeeping. If you don’t mind cleaning duties, a quick vaccuum of the rug, sweep of the floor, loading or unloading of a dishwasher or dusting of furniture does wonders. If you’d prefer, hire a housekeeper to pop in during a time that works for mum and dad. My parents visited the second night we were home. They brought us take-out and unloaded the dishwasher of the clean dishes that needed to be put away. They also loaded the dishwasher and took out the trash. We were so grateful that night. It really set us up for a successful feeding and sleeping schedule with our new babe.

• Pet Sitting. Dropping by to walk the dog or feed the cat can take a load off their plate. As a pet sitter, I know how grateful parents are when their pet family members get the attention and love they deserve, at a time when it’s running short in the home. You can even create a whole business out of this! Ask new parents to refer you to other new parents in order to gain more clients. Allergic or not a fan of furry friends? Why not hire a walker for the family? My dad swung by the house every night we were at the hospital to feed our cat. I was able to focus on recovering from an emergency C-section without worrying about our other family member left at home.

• A new book. Send it via app, drop off a recent read, or do a library haul. Leave it behind so they can get some relaxing time. While I havent had a chance to even look at a book (let alone read one), this is a great idea for dads or maybe recovering moms who have it more managed than I. Check out the books I read about parenting and pregnancy that helped me through my journey.

• A vase of fresh flowers. Fresh florals are a solution that doesn’t lead to clutter or require much upkeep. Just a gentle reminder that life is beautiful during what may be a difficult transition. I’ve received so many beautiful bouquets that have cheered me up during my lowest of lows. Just knowing that I was loved really help me transition out of the dark moments – like when I cried over spilled milk (literally) or when breastfeeding seemed too much to continue on.

• Moisturizing lotions, heat packs, and other self-care bits. It’s a time of heavy hand-washing and hunched over laboring. Simple products such as baby salves, sitz-bath salts, or massage balls will be a huge stress-relief. I have my girlfriends to thank for this. So many of my gals who have experienced motherhood before stepped up and provided all the awkward items that no one wants to talk about. The reality is, their openness and honesty helped me mentally prepare for what feels like the toughest moments of my life.

• A free photo shoot. Have a knack for the camera? Offer to pop-by and photograph the new stages of life. It may not be something they’re even thinking about or initially want. But these fleeting moments of parenthood do pass by quite quickly. A memento of even the toughest times will eventually become a tribute to the best days of their life. My dad brought over his camera and took pictures of us as a family. One of my dog-sitter’s pawrents offered to do a photoshoot for baby. And Mike’s dad snapped photos of us after a fairly rough night at home and a bout of crying over aforementioned spilled milk.

Photo by Ryan Kwok on Unsplash